Everly

My strategy of keeping friends is giving them enough space to deal with their own issues, as I deal with mine. And I just hit an epiphany that, it only creates resentments not bonding. When I see my friend, invading my space, I grow skeptical about her/him and I just close up even more. And I even judge people for being too control freak or intruding. I have always been peace loving, less arguing kinda girl. You do your thing, I do mine, yet we be friends for life. But the main issue here is, when you create such a boundary, you grow apart. This is not friendship. This becomes just a phase of it. Yet I expect a sort of validation from them, a way to belong in a group. I feel like with this little much emotional contribution, no one can explore the depth of friendship. It is just an awkward foundation and will eventually frustrate you as you start to realize they're talking among themselves, having a great time and you are just there.  I had a hard time, understanding humans....

Ramadan and summer is mutually inclusive events now. I am not fasting today. Couldn't wake up at sehri. I am so tired and numb to write. But I just thought why not write a few words. My classes started. I have the most fucked up routine this semester. And I hate the sun. It's been super cruel. 

Men.  I wish some man came to my life and could change the perspective I have for men. And the frustrations I have. I blame the marketing campaign i.e- valentines day. The romantic movies like Serendipity, You've got mail, The notebook. For shaping my mind into thinking, Men have to be that way. They have to sweep me off my feet, be all charming and cute and be obsessed with me.  I had in fact no real connection. I had never been on a date with a man to come to this conclusion that they are frustrating. I had only made virtual connections that didn't last even for a month. I am stuck between what ifs. What if he really turned out to be a nice guy. Someone sweet if only I met him. The man I thought I loved in real life, only made effort to say pick up lines. He started giving me attention only when I got a bit lady like, like Anjali in Kuch Kuch Hota Hain, or like Sanjana in Main Hoon Na. But as I said, these movies show false representation of reality. My story is some...

Biggest lie I pulled off with my parents! And I am glad I did. Ok now ready to get sentimental! If you have watched Friends, you'd know life with so much issues attached to it, can be enjoyed too. With the people beside you. People you call your friends. You don't know how much blessed I am feeling. There are no other way to describe it. If you had said it to the person I was say, seven or eight years ago, I wouldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe this is possible. Having friends. Having people who understands. Or who is just there. To make you feel you belong. To make you feel you're not alone in this world...You just as much exist as the other people on earth.  I do feel guilty that I fooled my parents for this. But I needed this. One night away. To be away from all the disappointments as a daughter, a sister.  What makes me gloomy is, it was short lived. The joy of it all. But it was beautiful. And I am thankful.

So I have to make up excuses to avoid hangouts with school friends. Because get this. I have it all lined up next week, and tomorrow, I have to go to this lunch invite and I was so not feeling it. But I have to do it because I have fear of missing out. And to top it off. I had to lie to my parents, on 3rd next month i'm gonna stay at a resort for one night, with all my friends. I told my parents it is managed by university and I am gonna stay at a girl's dorm. If I get caught, I can only assume. I am gonna be in dangerous trouble. My phone is hitting up with messenger groups. For all this planning and shit. I mean, I am not complaining, but I love my space. And I like staying home. I am not on a social sphere. It is just that, all of them are planning movie, lunch, then this resort....It is all too much! And I don't have my pocket money, I have to run it through my parents every now and then. The conversations are not fun. But this is the first time, I am going t...

the restart of the engine, the green light to go the sweats on the face feels cold as the air hits, as the car finally moves. when you're finally home, mom tells you we have ice-cream in the fridge. you before even changing clothes, drop your body on the bed with a spoon and the box. As the vanilla melts in your mouth you think about the day and you think life is not so bad.

Dear B! Life is quite happening for me right now haha. I have an Iranian guy on my what's app. Basically, I used to follow this photographer/architect on instagram, since 2012! It took him 7 years to finally notice me. He has over twenty thousand followers. It started when I commented on his photo saying he is cute. He followed me back and texted me Where are you from? You look so good. Then things escalated way fast and guess what? He would like to talk and 'enjoy'. Okay I know, foreigners are wild and full of spice so I am not getting invested into this. I will keep my territory clean. And just talk. There is no harm in that. If I get even slightly uncomfortable, I would block him. Simple! If 7 years ago I knew this guy I stalked would actually notice me, I would've died with sheer happiness. I am happy now too but knowing this would be a pointless recreational activity; kind of makes me sad at the same time. I wish I had money and fly to Iran and meet him and do...