Everly

can you believe, in our country they blocked instagram, facebook, whats app, viber everything...I just can't take it anymore. This is holiday month, How brutal! I understand if they block fb but instagram was like my daily med for frustration. I cannot stalk Jensen Ackles now, he just recently joined insta and you have no idea how adorable his picture is with his baby girl! There's gonna be more and I will get nothing because of stupid network error!!! Anyway I was forced then to go to our rooftop in the evening because I had nothing to do...:( I walked, Cool breeze, stars, everything was heaven, And I took my headphones, listened to Adele songs. It was.. amazing. I am going back tomorrow first thing in the morning, pride and prejudice by jane austen, and a cup of tea in my hand...Omg I just had my whole vacation planned. This is gonna be my winter ritual.  I redesigned my blog today I was that bored. So how is it?? I chose the background image because it is so fall! A...

Last night I had this midnight talk with my father and he shared his stories with me. I asked him if he were determined to be an engineer when he was younger. The answer was in affirmative, he was very passionate from the very start of his youth. My father was born in a village and lived in a free environment, where he could go fishing middle of the day, dive into canal water and make spit ball gun with hijal and climb trees and run poultry in his humble house where he used to live with 5 other siblings. He told me about his primary school. It was in one room with 5 benches. Every bench signified a class, so he had to sit in class with kindergartens and classes up to five...He said his high school was standard however, it was in Nobabgonj and he studied a very good deal there. So when did he realize he wanted to be an engineer? He used to make objects out of clays. He said one time he made a mouse out of it, shaped a tail almost as real and everyone was praising him. He once made a...

Lots of cries today. I could blame it on my period but I have my own other reasons. I let my parents make all decisions for me and now I feel like it was a bad idea. I don't have any control over my life or any situations . whenever I am in charge (which has been a very few times) I almost black out..I'm gonna study in business and I don't have the qualities that could certify me as a student of it...I cried today suddenly, everyone was confused of my reaction and I told them I don't deserve to be spent that amount of money on my BBA I think I'm gonna suck I'm gonna be a failure. I never crossed the road without holding my parent's hand...never have I chosen a dress without their approval...I've never done anything without them!!! All because they treated me as kid, as their baby. Never let me be a young adult. And now I feel like it's my biggest challenge. Parents supposed to make children's life better by leaving the hardest decisions for...

I had cut my hair short again. At first I didn't want to but then I thought I should make a new start. Then it got me thinking, in just one month I will make a start as a university student. And it stressed me out... Like these days movies don't suffice. I just don't feel like I deserve some entertainment you know and even if I did what could I possibly do in just a month? My grandma interferes every occasion in my life right now,just everything. I don't get to do anything fun, whenever I am about to do something she's gonna have a say in that. It sucks I know. I am my own person and I like to do things my way but she has to give a say how her son and daughters are legends and all because of how she raised them...OK I'm whining again..this is no good but can you blame me? After 6 stressful months I just wanted to have some control over my life and some peace. With her being here, I find no peace ,no fun only bossiness and bitchiness and she's a huge fault ...

Last night of freedom...:( Before I proceed let me tell you this wonderful news that-  I've got selected for BRAC! I know most people are like- it takes NOTHING to get an admission there. They take you for the MONEY. But hear me say- stupid people don't get in. I had to go through a competitive (less but not nothing) written test and a viva for it. If it were all about money they would've taken me without an exam. SO. Guilty as charged. We are going to live in the streets. Oh no. Just kidding. But my father will have to go through this huge pressure, six figure, really a huge amount to pay as we're hardly above the middle class. But anyway I am gonna try to get a scholarship and improve myself as much as I can to save him off some misery. I am so damn excited to be in the university. I mean, it will be crazy. There's gonna be a lot of people involved...and from both sexes!  I mean it was a terror studying in all girls' college, but now I guess it's goin...

I don't know, I am just not ready to accept that everything I once planned had gone to astray. Dhaka University...and all that I thought was possible; has now gone over my head...nothing I can do now to make things alright. Things slipped my hands, I was almost at the edge of fulfilling my dreams and now I am here, not at all proud of myself. It's okay I guess to finally finding it hard to accept I am getting nowhere and my parents have to spend so much money on my education whether or not I deserve it. Because I had this all fancied, I had fancied I would get into public I had fancied I would for once in my life make them proud of their daughter. Then again, it all comes down to let things go with grace and look forward to the future. Though it's the ultimate solution, it's the hardest one to do. I have to accept where I am standing right now. Because that's where I really am. All the could haves and should haves are just illusions. They are not gonna do me an...

I spent a very nice day today...And I realized the reason that it was nice is me. I took everything in a positive way today and I felt energies build up in me all positive. I was smiling and sending away those positive vibes and everything just fell into place. I felt I belong, I am a better person and I have many capabilities. So yeah, here's to a GOOD DAY!