Everly

I'd been watching commencement speech on youtube given by respective personalities like J.K Rowling, Ellen, Lisa Kudrow etc. I didn't know I had such patience to hear speeches, whatever. they actually weren't that boring. I mean they are celebrities, whatever they lay on the table, it'd interest us. But no, I did learn something from it. They didn't just happen to be great personalities, they had endured a lot behind the picture. J.K Rowling had to deal with hardship, so as Ellen when she lost her sitcom just because she declared herself as lesbian, Lisa had no intention to be an actress; she was at first working on a research with her father who was a headache specialist. What happened to them was, they have encountered both success and failure and confusion among their passions. Obviously they had struggled at that phase of life and eventually overcame it through their potentials.Now look how accomplished they are! I like what Ellen said. It was somewhat like- d...

So last night I was fully awake, ate sehari and went to bed but struggling to sleep. Then did some yoga to get energized for the morning. And sang a little. Then went to my table, prepared for my class that was that morning. And then went to class half hour earlier(Because there wasn't any traffic on the road I was hoping for) Today however was hard to concentrate because the lecturer was late and I was early that means I was too early than class time. And I was sleep deprived but whatever. I did my best not to sleep in the class.When it was over I went back home and went out again with my mom and sister for some eid shopping. I didn't buy any clothes, the fabric there felt like bed sheets. And those what I liked were either sleeveless or too pricey. So my sis bought a payel(she has a mania. Wherever she goes, she's gonna buy something. Let it be an ankle bracelet) My whole afternoon was spent checking out clothes and stranger's babies at the mall. There was this cute ...

sleeping 10-11 hours or not sleeping at all. So unhealthy. I am guilty. But I just can't quit it.  I am losing balance. I am ditching prayer and in this holy month of the year. My reasons are most likely excuses. I don't deny it. I could have said- because I sleep half of the day, am trackless of time and most often I am unheard of azan so I don't make it to pray 5 times a day. But I am not saying that. Instead, I am just going to sneeze out the real reason slash excuse for my not praying situation here. When I see my sister pray, or any other person, who is a true devotee or just someone who performs in what they believe, I see them being content and more firm to that task. And when it comes to me, I am more like- finishing it in a hustle and feeling rather void after it's done. Maybe I lack in believing God or maybe I am just not praying from my heart. Because I am too busy in performing the surahs fast so it won't have to be time consuming. Actually, prayi...

I don't like jumping into conclusion before I am perfectly aware of any matter. When I am into something, I am deeply into it, when I am not, I am passionately not. I'm feeling alone. I am alone. I am so alone that I can't sleep. If a person was in my room right now and if I had to be silent, I would  delightfully be. It's not like I am craving to talk or anything. I am just...I guess, I am tired of this feeling. I am tired of thinking that this is my life. I have to live it like this. And that I feel marooned at my own house. I feel like my soul deserves to be elsewhere, and I want to end up there. I want to get a life, so I can forget how lonely I am. How disordered and unfit I am. Even my writing says it.  Here's a confession. I think have obsessive compulsive disorder.   (OCD) Judging from the symptoms I have. I repeat actions countless times to be sure. My thoughts are obsessive and I have no control over it sometimes. I label memories. I think I am a bi...

Okay I might be in love with a book character, that is Mr. Darcy. And I haven't overcome my feelings yet so I secretly call myself Mrs. Darcy. This scene is my favorite. I love how the movie didn't ruin the book and how the characters of the movie matched the character of the book. <3

I am in short of words. It's a good sign. It means I am stress free, I am not over-thinking, therefore having a good sleep at night and that I don't give a fuck anymore. Oh by the way. I am over it. Whatever it was, frustration, depression I am just fucking over it. But certain things are itching my brain. Like the mouse of my pc that kind of troubling lately, it needs a fix up. So hard to move the cursor around. And having bad hair day is another reason. Oh my god I am complaining already, aren't I?   So I did an hour and half cycling, Then I got so motivated and energized that I couldn't do anything but surfing the net. Now I am sleepy. That's why I don't wanna be too much motivated, it makes me crave to sing or dance or do random stuffs than just study.

Officially done with HSC. Today was the last one of practicals. And the last day of being together in a class. I am an emotionless bitch and so I have nothing against getting outta college. No time for love or memories. Time to move pass the shitty phase of my life which was HSC and be prepared for something BIG. IDK I am scared. Today was unbelievably chaotic and of many events. First we cousins and three grown ups (my sister does count this time) were at a supermarket dealing with Anisha and three of us kind of got lost. Elevator/  Escalator confusion, cars parking trouble, 2 hours traffic. LONG STORY. And Anisha has a phobia with escalator. But here's the thing. I taught Anisha how to step in an escalator which was to me the best part. See I can handle kids. I am good with kids, I love kids and I think apparently I am in love with kids that trouble. They make things exciting, panicking and then again so exhausting that you don't have to think about your insomnia problem. ...