Everly

Abbu, Why do you freaking care so much? I'm gonna screw-up and that's universal.Please don't give me the right to upset you.I know you're so upset because of me, why does it have to be that way? Don't be sad, ever.You have accomplished fair enough.Your parents are definitely proud of you.Now let me be the reason of your pride...You know what the problem is? You want something from me, that's not really "me". I'm no hard-worker,I am a lazy dumb-ass.But you worry too much.I'll get back on my feet.It will take time.So mean-time you enjoy the life of yours.You deserve that.  source: my diary,8th May.[shorter version] Looks like I'm teaching my father how the parenting thing works.I was sorta mad at my dad for being so upset over me and my studies and whatever.But let me tell you this, My father he's a complete sweetheart.And he treats me like a 3 year old. It doesn't bother me a bit. To me, that's affection. And I won't tra...

I've been reading Anne Frank's diary at eighteen which is kind of shameful. I guess, almost everybody knows of her written treasure but me. I've heard her name plenty of times and I've been burying my curiosity all this time.I always wanted to read her diary, a.k.a The Diary of a Young Girl- as I've always been sneaky on reading other people's private journals, but how come I missed this one? The universal one? You have no idea how dumb I can get! Getting to her diary was simple. I wouldn't have to purchase it since I've already got it on my smartphone.Just downloaded the pdf file and started reading it. I have a lot more pages to go, to be honest I don't want it to end.Because it's truly sad.This girl, who used be so sensitive and cried over her mama's mocking is no longer alive...I mean where is she and how is she doing right now? what about her cat Moortje? The more I read about her, the more I wish she were alive.

 you're s o bitchy and bo ss y but I love you anyway.I love that you're stupidly kind of funny.I love ho w you're such a cheese. I like it, in fact I love it w hen you appreciate me the w ay I am. s o it' s been a happy-go-lucky situation, being your baby sister and knowing that you'll al w ays stand by my side,no matter w hat.And that I can learn from your mistakes because you're such a silly-sally princess.  you know you don't have to be so cranky a s you're turning a year older today.Age i s ju st a number. Beside s, the more you'll grow, the more beautiful you'd be. I find the prettiest in you. Your chickeny leg s, that beautiful pair of eye s, and the shopping spirit of your s, I've always been jealous of the s e thing s about you.     Nobody know s you better than I do, do they? Because I know your behind the scene s storie s. I know your little big secret s. And I know that you've got a heart made of gold. If th...

she's always this clumsy. Always. you know, there were times, she could just sober up and learn from her mistakes and could get back on her feet, but she just wouldn't. She never learns from her mistakes, even making'em dozens or tons.because this is she.learning is not her thing. She is bad at pretending, predicting. She can't drive her emotions likely to her thoughts.She can't sleep because her unexpressed emotions are buried alive and those bug her all night. And she does not understand the word "extra-ordinary". is that an extension to ordinary or too much ordinary that becomes special itself? She does not fit in a crowd.S he's in the middle yet, she's outside. She's insecure of every little thing. her hair, her smile, those  not always go in a natural way. she feels insecure putting  her hair down or even smile, showing her teeth off at  times.because she knows,she has  imperfections,lot of'em and god has not sharpen her nose n...

Maa, I thought you were different. Apart from those people. But it was just a thought. Misunderstandings. We've had them. A lot of'em actually. But despite of your imperfections and everything that I might not like about you, I accepted you. Like you accepted me when I was born. when I was in your lap helpless and crying for your affection. But now, I'm not that baby anymore. I need freedom. I want privacy. I've grown. I don't tell you every little secrets that I've been holding. I keep it to myself. and I like it like that. Because You don't understand me. You just can't. It's not your fault. You are from a whole different world and we have so many differences.You didn't encourage me to be truly free. All you did was screaming at my mistakes, regretting over me. I know it's there. The love, it's still there. And it's unconditional. Because it's a mother's love.I don't question your love, trust me I don't. It's ...

I'm eighteen and I still cry like a baby. I can't stop crying and dreaming. I just can't. I cry until I get what I want. I cry because of insecurities. I cry because there's a pain in my heart. A pain, not understandable why. what do I want?  I want snow. I want to be happy again. I want to laugh. I want to breath. well not like normal in and out type of breathing. A long deep breath. An escape from the town, far far away, in the green,cold weather.I wanna breath till my lungs get all soared up. I want to sleep like a baby. Not just lying in bed thinking and regretting about the choices I've made in the past...a sound, profound, peaceful couple hours of sleep. a sleep that is unbreakable in the midway. so that I can wake up fresh,cleaned.like a new born baby. I don't know how it started.But it's not ending. All those stupid little things that causing this pain are not going away. I'm crying over little things. but trust me it hurts like crazy. I fe...

I'm gonna be 18 pretty much soon. well, the day after tomorrow. Yeah.  17 years of My life. Honestly, I've got no idea how I've been doing so far. Should I be more active and mature at this point, or get serious about life?. I don't know. Everything seems so normal. Been realizing that my life's all about sleeping,eating,eating and eating.ugh. Yesterday was my last class of the 1st year of my college. I don't know how and why( not so good at physics lol.) time passes so fast.It's been like a year I had done with my ssc and now steppin up to the 2nd year of college which is crazy. I literally freaked out yesterday.seriously? It's been a year? Soon I'll be out of the college,will be pushed into some uni and career and all that. Then what? I'll be actually living my life. I'll make my own money. how crazy is that! at this point everything seems so dumb. I'm a girl of seventeen soon to be eighteen and I've got no story. no mystery...