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 Gloom hit me. And I am doing everything I can, well in my mind, I am doing my best, trying not to fall into the pit. I am pms-ing too, so at least I know whatever  I am feeling right now, it is consequential and will pass, hopefully.

I am feeling really, really alone. I miss those giddy feelings, first attractions, first goofy flirting. There are men lined up in my dms but they are all stuck up. Sometimes I wonder, am I gonna end up like this? Is this how it is from now on?

There was this video on staying optimistic. It said, being optimistic, is not being impractical or like blindly trusting the fate. It's about believing that there's light out at the end of the dark tunnel. 

I have always, picked myself up, over and over. I have always, after a huge let down, believed there's something promised for me and the universe is only looking out for me. 

You know what's weird? I am aware that I am falling, I am in despair and still there's another part. probably the wiser part of me, pulling me towards her, embracing her, telling her she will protect her. And that's what I guess, keeping me sane. Keeping my tears dry.

The life is what you make itself. I don't want to be in this gloom state. And I deserve good things. And a good day will come. 

Right now, I just don't want to be alone. Maybe I want a hug. Maybe I want someone to hold my hand and stand beside me. 


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