Skip to main content

 I have been binging on true crime stories these days. I always had a thing for it, like I would legit watch documentaries, see graphic images even though it sickened me to the core. Just knowing how the killings took place, and the detectives figuring all out, the suspense, the flipping discoveries, everything just kind of fascinates me. I do feel bad about the families who go through such trauma of losing their dear ones like that abnormal way, but the stories compel me with lot of emotions and shock and I get consumed in it. 


Today I was thinking that, I should put myself in a routine again. My sleeping cycle has been fucked. I was thinking that maybe I should start working out, like just basics to keep myself active. I oversleep nowadays and feel drown out...I also want to re-watch Dexter again. This was one of my most favorite tv show, I was in my late teens when I started watching it on TV, it was pretty graphic, and I didn't have a laptop so when I downloaded it, I had to watch it on family computer and back then I didn't have my privacy. Now I can actually watch it without hesitation.


I've felt really lonely last night. And started stalking him again. I have to get out of this habit of stalking people from my past. It is such a waste of time. Hence the decision of incorporating self-desciplin.


I finished a book on meditation, It was titled- When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. It was good, I learned some spiritual wisdom. Though I am not gonna review it here. It was vast. And I kind of read it in an inconsistent way, so I don't remember much of its content. I highlighted some parts though.


I need another book. Let's see...


Right now I am not thinking too much about the future. And trying to live in the present and be grateful. 







Comments

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...

winter together

 Dear B,  Sorry I've been so MIA. Here's the update you missed - My husband came back! He wasn't approved for those 3 months of extension. I've been getting enough cuddles and kisses to survive this winter.  Yes, winter is here. Never underestimate the Canadian winter. It's the worst. Everything is grey and dark. However, I am looking forward to going home in March. I'm so excited to see my friends again. Most importantly my parents and brother. It feels a strange kind of feeling. I am planning to 'visit' the place I was born and call home. It is definitely a new kind of feeling.  Things been okay. We are okay. I am glad to have him back.  We bought a new couch and a coffee table. It's still in back order and I'm impatiently waiting for them to arrive.  Can't believe only 4 days left to 2026. Time is flying so quick. Hope we talk again, B. I swear I missed you!