Skip to main content
when it is true love, which- is a controversial subject- they said, when it is actually love, the person would have the same wavelength as you. Meaning, you both would reach the same frequency. And it would be easy. You wouldn't feel like you have to work on yourself. You will be accepted as you are.

Is it actually that easy? To find someone like that? And my question is, does it sustain? Do men sustain? I am so conflicted about this.

I am still searching for that person. I want to feel happy, I really do. I don't want to wait for a guy to call me, I don't want a guy who doesn't remember to check in on me, or even care a bit. And make this false promises that he would. I am tired of this, B. I am tired putting myself out there and getting hurt again.

It is like- I have all this love to give but nobody's there to want it. How do I miss someone who doesn't miss me as much or maybe has forgotten me. How do I remember all the microscopic details about someone who probably holds me no significance in his life, How do I remember someone every day, each day, and he doesn't even, he probably doesn't, he probably just doesn't.

How do I get over this? How did I fall back again. Why do I expect again, hope again! How do I hurt myself, by myself? How do I make the same mistake, over and over, and it has been 6 months almost...Half a year, and I am still stuck where I was.

I am closer to my period. Pardon my emotions for now. I am okay, just sometimes not okay. Sometimes, I am crying. And I am trying not to. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...