Skip to main content
when it is true love, which- is a controversial subject- they said, when it is actually love, the person would have the same wavelength as you. Meaning, you both would reach the same frequency. And it would be easy. You wouldn't feel like you have to work on yourself. You will be accepted as you are.

Is it actually that easy? To find someone like that? And my question is, does it sustain? Do men sustain? I am so conflicted about this.

I am still searching for that person. I want to feel happy, I really do. I don't want to wait for a guy to call me, I don't want a guy who doesn't remember to check in on me, or even care a bit. And make this false promises that he would. I am tired of this, B. I am tired putting myself out there and getting hurt again.

It is like- I have all this love to give but nobody's there to want it. How do I miss someone who doesn't miss me as much or maybe has forgotten me. How do I remember all the microscopic details about someone who probably holds me no significance in his life, How do I remember someone every day, each day, and he doesn't even, he probably doesn't, he probably just doesn't.

How do I get over this? How did I fall back again. Why do I expect again, hope again! How do I hurt myself, by myself? How do I make the same mistake, over and over, and it has been 6 months almost...Half a year, and I am still stuck where I was.

I am closer to my period. Pardon my emotions for now. I am okay, just sometimes not okay. Sometimes, I am crying. And I am trying not to. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
Post a Comment
Read more

An origin story

Dear Blog. Thank you for giving me space to write. Although in this world, where cloud technology prevails, there is no worrying about it. But hey,I, thank you for storing my thoughts. Stupid, meaningless thoughts. I assure you, I will keep coming back. I know since coming home from the residential semester, I've been a bit distracted. I've been posting things, I felt vague about. I used to write things effortlessly. I never forced myself to type up things, experiences or events. All these posts have been posted because they contributed to my daily life and I had to write them up before they slowly fade away from my memory. And some things I didn't make a post about as some things were better to be forgotten and removed from the past. Mind that. Dear Blog, I created you almost four years ago. These four years, I've kept you posted. Maybe some days. I didn't because you know why. Those days I felt blue and couldn't get up from bed. But you learned my stor...
3 comments
Read more

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more