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No matter how many times I have to pick myself up, I will be there to pick myself up. No matter, how much I feel like, I can't go on, being happy, I start to look for ways to make me happy, and even sometimes, MOST TIMES, it doesn't work, I still persistently somehow make it work, make it at least, to survival of the soul. No matter, how broken I feel, I mend those pieces together, with tenderness and compassion and I stand up and I carry myself, I take care of my heart. Everything that I need is within me. I don't have to look elsewhere. It is here.

I cried to the point, where I felt, it is not possible to get over it and it felt so heavy and I didn't see a point in working on myself, for someone again. Today, I was feeling mentally down, since the morning but I don't know what happened, sort of like a magic, I realized,  I don't need him to want me. I don't need him altogether. His course in my life has ran out. I shouldn't drag this anymore. I should let the universe be the judge of my fate and handle my pain and let the chapter of him, be closed, or be done or be in pause or be in whatever, I don't care. I can't feed on the amount of attention he is willing to give on me, if I live like this, I won't ever find happiness. I will cry and cry and run out of tears. There's no one person for us. There's no one fit. There's no one soul mate. I will have love, when I am ready. He is not the only one. There will come a time, when the right person will come along, love will be right at the corner and I will not have to question myself. Right person will put my insecurities to sleep. The right person will not be tired of seeing my face. Or loving me.

I reached out to my cousins, they are my baby sisters but they're so wise and thoughtful. I love them. Talking with them felt so much better after. I really recommend it, whenever you're feeling the sadness is overpowering, just reach out to your close ones. It helps a lot.

I think I am gonna be okay. It doesn't matter how many times I say this. Or try this and that. All that matters is, I got the courage again. I let myself guide me. I am taking care of my soul.







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"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...