Skip to main content

Day 85 
Today is my cheat day. I took a day off from my typical day. And finished a movie. I have been able to put myself into a routine. I read pages of a book every day, I do morning yoga, I take classes online. I go to bed early and wake up early. I cooked chicken curry today. This was my first cooked meal. Everybody loved it. I felt joy watching my parents being giddy about me. My mom said, I don’t have to worry about you anymore.
Did I cure myself of depression and sadness? Well, it is a deep rooted problem, but I do feel lighter these days. I accept the sadness, I accept the uncertainty of future, I accept  that things are going to be difficult. And I roll with it. Whenever the black cloud hovers over my head, I look in the mirror, sometimes shed a tear or two and then I pick myself up. Ultimately, I have to be my own person. I have to be my own care-taker. It feels great sometimes, to be in control of my own life. I have learned to wash my clothes every day. It is a basic skill but it makes me feel good. My mother cut my father’s hair today. This pandemic had done one thing right. It brought us close together.
Sure, I feel lonely. But you know what? There’s a time for everything. I am not going to be lonely forever. I’ll have someone by my side someday. I don’t know when, but till then, I have to date myself. Be with myself, be in love with myself. I have me now. I don’t have to look around. Love will find me here.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more

world war?

 Dear B,  I don't watch the news but there has been a lot of speculations on social media of a possible world war III. My sister just texted me that I should save up money as we don't know what that might do to the economy. It is ironic because I just ordered something online last night. Every time I go out, I spend. I don't even have a good paying job and I spend like I have full time. However, one thing I learned from my past is that there is no point in stressing about the future. What I have control over is now. I can either live in the moment or ruin it by ruminating and what good will it bring to my life? Living alone can get boring. However, I am trying to find things to do. Maybe I will visit a bookstore today. Lets see.  I have rearranged the furnitures yesterday. Cleaned as well. The place looks good.  Maybe I will go IKEA. I love it there. Even though I can't afford furnitures, I just enjoy looking at them. Oh what to tell you B. My in-laws are coming this...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more