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Don't write your feelings, don't speak your feelings, be poised, pretend you're cool. Aloof. Be a zen.
Like nothing bothers you. UGH FUCK IT.

Nobody told me, This would be life. Nobody told me, YOU ARE GOING TO STRUGGLE BAD
so prepare. Everybody was busy planning school and college and that's it. What about your skills? How to be a good friend? How to build relationships and connections.
Your mind development and all that bullshit and everything that makes a person 'person'.

I don't know man. People say, family is your first institution for learning. I learned nada really. I learned how to behave myself, correct myself through countless embarrassments being out and about with everybody else my age only to find I am a super misfit and I say sorry a dozen times even when I haven't made any mistake. There is no strong bone in my body and no matter how much I want to be strong, independent, I end up being this weak and sloppy version of a woman I enormously hate and there is no contentment in my soul. Not a single one. I am so much disturbed by own negativity, it is super crazy

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