If only a year ago, he asked me out, I would've said yes to him. I would've loved him with all my heart. I don't know what got to him lately ... He held my hand today for a while, my past self would've jumped up and down with joy, that he finally is noticing me and saying all the sweet things a girl wants to hear, saying you're pretty over and over that it is losing its meaning now. I don't know what I feel for him anymore. I needed a validation he is giving me that. I never imagined myself, actually expecting him to be unreal for a second. To be completely catching me off guard. why did he made me feel like. He is going to ask me out for real this time? If he actually liked me he would've noticed all the other things than the way my hair strands fall on my face. If he liked me, he would've known how much I like to be in the background while everyone just talked their hearts out. I am afraid, he is only going to like me on my look good days. That thought is scary. I wish he didn't have this much power over me til this day.
He has been a long story in my life. This two and half years feel like a decade. I have changed myself a lot. He had been there...all my bad look days, my happy days, my exhausted days. He had been the only person, for whom I started singing so much. Alone...in public at times.
Why is it that whenever I remember him, I remember me, changing myself for him?
Why couldn't he just love back then, despite the way I was...despite the way he was...I secretly wish now. This is all a joke. Just a joke to make everybody laugh at me...because at the moment, I cannot imagine anything better...see the consequences? If he asks me out, I'll probably say yes to him, and what happens after that? I don't know any other way to keep him interested other than the fact that he only enjoys my looks.
I want to be more than that. For him I don't know how to be more than just being pretty. Like why everything that he says to me ends with that word. I'm starting to get accustomed to that word. No matter how much it makes me feel validated .for once. I want to be called something else..I want to make him laugh.. genuinely enjoy my company.
We are two different people. And if you want me to get out of my head, I would still see this as a silly move. We don't belong together. Universe knows that.
I used to brain wash myself, stay 30 feet away from where he stood, didn't apply myself around him much because that way I was hurting myself less. The obsession still built up, telling my heart no is apparently makes it more appealing . You can't stay away from the thing you get momentary joys from. You can't deny your heart, when all it wants to do is watch his moves.
He gave out so many confused emotions .I'm utterly confused and pained and looking through my left over feelings, I almost got a closure and now he again, is spoiling this for me. Entirely throwing water at my carefully built up work. I don't know if I want him now...if I do, I can simply get him. But I don't know what I want...this is not fair. He shouldn't have been so late.
I can't even hate him now... He is being extra sweet... He is a jerk alright.
I wish he was nothing to me .I wish I could think about somebody else above him. This is a torture. I can't even tell my friends because they would probably assume it as a joke...why did he make it seem like it wasn't then... Oh gosh. This is a real life drama. I'll keep you updated.
He has been a long story in my life. This two and half years feel like a decade. I have changed myself a lot. He had been there...all my bad look days, my happy days, my exhausted days. He had been the only person, for whom I started singing so much. Alone...in public at times.
Why is it that whenever I remember him, I remember me, changing myself for him?
Why couldn't he just love back then, despite the way I was...despite the way he was...I secretly wish now. This is all a joke. Just a joke to make everybody laugh at me...because at the moment, I cannot imagine anything better...see the consequences? If he asks me out, I'll probably say yes to him, and what happens after that? I don't know any other way to keep him interested other than the fact that he only enjoys my looks.
I want to be more than that. For him I don't know how to be more than just being pretty. Like why everything that he says to me ends with that word. I'm starting to get accustomed to that word. No matter how much it makes me feel validated .for once. I want to be called something else..I want to make him laugh.. genuinely enjoy my company.
We are two different people. And if you want me to get out of my head, I would still see this as a silly move. We don't belong together. Universe knows that.
I used to brain wash myself, stay 30 feet away from where he stood, didn't apply myself around him much because that way I was hurting myself less. The obsession still built up, telling my heart no is apparently makes it more appealing . You can't stay away from the thing you get momentary joys from. You can't deny your heart, when all it wants to do is watch his moves.
He gave out so many confused emotions .I'm utterly confused and pained and looking through my left over feelings, I almost got a closure and now he again, is spoiling this for me. Entirely throwing water at my carefully built up work. I don't know if I want him now...if I do, I can simply get him. But I don't know what I want...this is not fair. He shouldn't have been so late.
I can't even hate him now... He is being extra sweet... He is a jerk alright.
I wish he was nothing to me .I wish I could think about somebody else above him. This is a torture. I can't even tell my friends because they would probably assume it as a joke...why did he make it seem like it wasn't then... Oh gosh. This is a real life drama. I'll keep you updated.
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