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I overheard my mother's phone conversation with my aunt telling her that she's going to fix someone for me and after year or two she will have my wedding all arranged. I almost had a cardiac arrest. All I could hear from afar is that the guy works in a company (which I am not going to mention here)  and a woman's name who actually gave her the proposal. I know that woman. She's a relative of my mom's side.
I am certainly not ready for marriage. A year is the shortest time to actually be prepared for things like this. I can't sleep since then. I am hardly handling myself. The best fit scenario for me at the least is maybe dating a guy. But marriage is like a whole new dimension. There would be in-laws. There would be a whole new house where I would have to make myself adjust in. And the next year, I am gonna be on by myself hunting jobs. The situation is overwhelming itself. You have no idea how many times I hinted mother I am not ready for this, she would be so silent and ignoring of whatever I say. My friends have bigger plans. When I think about this, it makes me wanna elope. This is crazy. I am not ready.

Seriously this year is gonna be my only chance to get on my feet before any of this happens. I don't wanna be living on another's man's income. It affects me so much to be living on my father's. I feel like a nothing. I don't wanna be feeling that for the rest of my life.




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