Skip to main content
Rich slobs are so interesting like you have no fucking idea. I started watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians because I am quite bored of this vacation and never imagined this show will get me hooked like this. It is the instagram effect, I got so many feeds of their snippets and kind of unknowingly decided to give this show a go. So glad I did. They're pretty funny.

Winter is getting on my nerves. My skin looks awful. My hair is in a stupid  shape. I am torn between getting a bob and growing out. I just don't know what to do. When I look at my old short hair pictures, I feel like keeping it long because my curls wouldn't show up then. Now my curls are more defined but the problem is, my hair is breaking at the ends. Almost looks like a mop. I do want healthy locks. But UGH. It's a dilemma!

My parents are sick of my routine. They have to wake me up to eat, literally smack me twice a day for lunch and breakfast. I know they have best interest at heart, but is this the right way to do things? I am 22 for god's sake, they can like scold me or take all my devices away but no, they choose to get physical. This is what I hate about this culture. Parents get too involved. They don't care what we have to say but they will want to get their own way. They would be like, if you don't have this materialistic list of goals achieved, you're a bad kid and therefore you need to be punished physically. I am not sure about others though but I have been brought up like this and I hate what I've come from. I hate everything about my family's system. Such abusive behavior! 

I get that I am a trouble for them. And they're worried sick. There has been times, I thought about being gone. Doing drugs, smoking even. I just want an escape from all this you see. I just want a min of self confinement. No matter how smoothly things will go, I will always have this sunken feeling to not exist. There are hundred and thousand ways, I could have lived my life. I hate to live it this way.

Have I told you, I have been disconnected from my religion for a long while. 
If I ever kill myself, I would be doing it for the hope of no afterlife. 
Anyway, I don't want to take you to my darkest thoughts. I just needed to vent a little. 







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more

world war?

 Dear B,  I don't watch the news but there has been a lot of speculations on social media of a possible world war III. My sister just texted me that I should save up money as we don't know what that might do to the economy. It is ironic because I just ordered something online last night. Every time I go out, I spend. I don't even have a good paying job and I spend like I have full time. However, one thing I learned from my past is that there is no point in stressing about the future. What I have control over is now. I can either live in the moment or ruin it by ruminating and what good will it bring to my life? Living alone can get boring. However, I am trying to find things to do. Maybe I will visit a bookstore today. Lets see.  I have rearranged the furnitures yesterday. Cleaned as well. The place looks good.  Maybe I will go IKEA. I love it there. Even though I can't afford furnitures, I just enjoy looking at them. Oh what to tell you B. My in-laws are coming this...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more