Skip to main content
My first morning being awake. Well I didn't sleep last night so I have been awake for a long while today.
Taking refuge in bed. I have 8 hours of Breaking Bad left. Then I will be done with the series. Last time I remember getting so attached with a show like this was Dexter. I couldn't separate my emotions from the characters in the story. Well, this time I am more wooed than emotional. Umm, then again Jesse Pinkman. He is the only character giving me all the feels throughout the insanity that is and has been going on in the show. This series is mentally stimulating. I know very little about chemistry, but I truly enjoyed myself while watching this. Guess this was a worthwhile decision to invest my time on this. 2018 wasn't full of foul decisions. 

I am holding on. And trying to forgive myself for everything that's happened past few months. I am not harming myself anymore. The scars in my wrists are almost faded. I haven't touched a blade since I don't remember. I guess it's been a couple of months since I last tried. 

I still feel it somewhere beneath the surface. It will explode sooner or later. But right now, my eyes are pretty dry. I guess I am on remission right now. You know. Not everybody has it easy. Not everybody handles life the same. Not everybody is gonna have to excel in things. I should spend my time less on watching other people's successes and counting their blessings and more time on being just where I am. Maybe I am bipolar or maybe it is just a phase. I hope it just go away. The feeling that makes me feel so insignificant. And small. I hope it quits. I hope it dies. I'd bury it myself. 











Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...
Post a Comment
Read more

winter together

 Dear B,  Sorry I've been so MIA. Here's the update you missed - My husband came back! He wasn't approved for those 3 months of extension. I've been getting enough cuddles and kisses to survive this winter.  Yes, winter is here. Never underestimate the Canadian winter. It's the worst. Everything is grey and dark. However, I am looking forward to going home in March. I'm so excited to see my friends again. Most importantly my parents and brother. It feels a strange kind of feeling. I am planning to 'visit' the place I was born and call home. It is definitely a new kind of feeling.  Things been okay. We are okay. I am glad to have him back.  We bought a new couch and a coffee table. It's still in back order and I'm impatiently waiting for them to arrive.  Can't believe only 4 days left to 2026. Time is flying so quick. Hope we talk again, B. I swear I missed you!
Post a Comment
Read more