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I secretly check on him sometimes. He is in my stalking list. I clear my search history as if somebody's gonna find out. And figure out how desperate I am. I don't want that to happen, ever. It is already painful knowing, I still have feelings for him. Well, not "feelings" per se. It is rather just a fascination. Have you ever been fascinated by someone? Like really really fascinated of what their preferences are, how they live their lives? Yeah. I am sort of in that situation here.

I should be doing my searches on people who would actually like to be with me. Not the people I have crush on...There was this guy, I chatted with months ago, he wanted to start something but I barely replied his texts. We are just friends on facebook now and instagram of course. Today, he posted a photo. He was on a date with a girl. I wish I felt a little bit jealous. But I didn't. I felt happy that he finally found someone who would go out with him. Because I was worried all this time that I might have kept him hanging.

I have been watching old romantic films a lot. Just finished up You've got mail. Have you ever like secretly wished to be in a love story? Yeah a story. A story you could tell your friends with enchanted eyes...A perfect cooked up story. And your friends would say, AWW YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE

I had a sleepover with my cousin. She is like madly in love for a year now. And she tells me how he wants to marry her if she just says so. She is too young to marry now but she surely thinks of him as her future. I wondered while listening to her...Is it that easy? To find someone online and meet him and everything fits in like Cinderella's glass slipper?

Sometimes I feel like I have been too lonely. Too lonely to enjoy the greatness the world has to offer. Like I can tell. When you're with someone you love, every little thing amplifies. The joy, the laughter. And the sadness they get shared. I really wish on this days. To meet someone. To be in love. I know I am being a bit delusional but don't you see, we were never on this earth, sent to be alone. We were supposed to meet our missing piece(s). 

Not everybody wants to have same old boring structurally functioning other half. What would hurt to have a wonderful, full of magic, exciting company? Like the ones in the movies. People have that, don't they? Yeah it gets boring and difficult sometimes, they do have their moments like that and they surely cherish it, right?

Real life is, I know, on the verge of destruction. There is a certain rate of depreciation. And there is an unavoidable end. But what I am asking for, is a short but wonderful interval. That I could look back to and smile unknowingly. 

Okay enough movie talk. 

Merry Late Christmas. Happy holidays. Advanced happy new year.













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