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To be able to sit back and let the universe do its job is no easy work. When you say, believe the timing of your life and fate, do you actually expect me to do nothing? Doing nothing is so much harder than doing something. Trust me when I say this.

Being home has its perks but being home in vain is what makes me crestfallen. I wish to speed the time up so I could go classes again, meet my friends, laugh at silly things. What I realized staying home a month without having to do anything is...I am the most pampered adult in the family. And it doesn't make me get out of the comfort zone. I am not doing anything substantial in my life that could bring me fortune in the future.

When I am in the university, my thoughts stop processing because I engage in conversations and forget that I have to become something. When  I am home I get all the anxieties, sometimes movies help to distract me a bit but most often I find myself distracted from the movie itself. I find myself, brooding over the fact that, I am not doing anything meaningful with myself. Existential crisis, you can name it whatever you like.

For all I know, I want to be a good mother. I want my kid to feel complete. My whole life, I have been projecting how my future generation will be like and how I want to build them.These days I've been having such cravings for babies, you wouldn't believe. I am 22 and I feel like I could be a good mother to a child. I could raise em up well. It's funny how whenever I feel gloomy, I think about a bright future for a kid, who would be my kid and who would have everything I wish to have and become everything I am not. Is this too weird that I want this now?

I am not thinking about marriage so soon, I am just too fond with the idea of having babies. Babies are so peaceful, I observed it closely by spending time with my niece. She is so cute and I remember her everyday now, I have been missing her to an extreme. She is in Canada now, but I wish everyday I could hold her in my arms and feel the showering of peace over my mind.

She used to be my happy pill.








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