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So what I have to search on google how should I reply him with a flirty twist, So what?
Can you blame me? How do people do it? I want to appear as effortless as possible but to be effortless you've to put so much effort, like oh my god.

I don't know for how long, I'd be able to pull this, but every time when I think, he is going to lose interest, he doesn't. In fact, he asked me to try a restaurant with him last week and I had to act cool so I replied in the most casual way, if I can I will but wouldn't our meet up be so much awkward? I am so shy and I am so amateur at this dating game and thank god he didn't ask me further on that subject again.

The problem is texting. And texting on Snapchat is a whole another level challenge. You never know, if he is online, You never know if he's actually busy or showing off to be busy. And the texts, they disappear after you read it. So basically I don't get to reread our messages, I mostly forget what we chat about and it is not helping to get intimate you know, to develop any kind of feelings with romantic inclination for him...It is utterly difficult, though I am trying...But flirting should be spontaneous. UGH why does it feel so forced when I chat with him these days, IDK!

Maybe it is because of the pressure I have. I flirt like I tiptoe. I don't want to give him any wrong messages. I don't wanna fall into a trap like situation. I really am unsure of what I want, and to separate my mentality with my parent's is such complicated work...Can you imagine. I stayed away from boys all through school and college because my parents don't like me being seen with them...When I think about it now, I feel so sorry for myself....In a normal world, it shouldn't have been like that.

And because I never had my heart broken (Apart from the fact that I liked someone and didn't get liked back) I am not a flight risk. I don't always imagine the worst. I imagine all the good and cheesy things, that I see on films. It is another issue.

The reason I am writing about all these is because it is a perfect weather for sleep and I am awake. Thunder stormed, It is all wet earthy smell outside. And I am sleepless. And I haven't got my response from him, because he probably didn't check, or checked. I don't know I am busy now writing this. But you might think, I eagerly want to be in a relationship....I sound like that yeah, but, If I want anything in that case, I want it to be a happy circumstance, a spontaneous, lovable something....I don't want to force myself to be in anything for that matter. And if that means I have to keep searching, I will. I've got plenty of time till my parents marry me off to a stranger.

On a different note, I have script checking tomorrow, I am anxious. I really want a A on this one. If I don't. It would be a disappointment.
....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5idNBcKDtvA





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