spring is almost here

When you held my chin up with the hand
that raped other women, including my aunt,
You called me your daughter, Which I'm not, dear uncle.
My daughter looks beautiful today still echoes in my head.
That's not when I froze.
When you pecked on my cheek, I didn't know what innocence was left off you.
For, mine had been lost since I heard about the torture you bring upon women.
Your actions an open secret.
I am not your little niece anymore;
whose space you can violate without anyone noticing.

I am blessed to be exposed to the beast that lives within you.
Maybe it's a way of God looking out.
There was no innocence when you touched my shoulder
ordering me to cover up my backless dress.
You just wanted to touch some skin.

I wish I didn't feel so insecure around you the way I do now.
I never wanted to believe you are who you are my parents tell.
For I loved you in the most innocent way a niece could ever love her uncle.
I once gave you a place after my father, unknowingly and foolishly.
For I always believed in purity, affection and boundaries.
But I am not your little niece anymore, I see things now, deeper than the surface.
When you haunt me in the past, when every pat in the shoulders, or a kiss in the cheek,
Brushing my hair with your fingers,
every little affection makes me want to cringe and cry.

How did we get here?
How did you become the person I can never trust...
Your presence intoxicating my mind,
Were you playing games and hiding lies?
Well, I don't care anymore
Because you remind me of the men in the streets, who
Pressed his front against my back, elbowed my chest.
in the crowd where I couldn't do anything about..my personal space being violated, played with, feeling hopeless and powerless.
Today when I crossed the street from my university,
This man just walked past me so close, brushing against my thigh, deliberately taking space from my side, his hand went where it shouldn't.
What could I do in a second? That silhouette of a man disappeared after I flinched and moved as far away possible, When I looked back, he didn't stop.
He didn't stop to think what he just did. 
These are the type of men I categorize you with now.
Men who make me feel sick in my stomach, make me want to shower more than once and haunt me when I try to sleep.
It is the emotional trauma that is permanently more destructing.
What can I do is my question.
You made me raise that question
When I can't trust my own family,
Where will I feel safe with my body?
Where will I not be polluted with these unwanted touch?

You have made me realize
How goddamn scary this world is for a woman
Where dirt is everywhere, even running in my blood.
I can't deny who you are anymore.
But it hurts to redefine the past,
To kill the innocence I lived with for so long.