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Isn't it tragic having the bluntest weekend possible after an eventful weekday?

I still can't forget what happened that night. I was so out of my league. It makes my insides curl....What do they think of me? Of how I behaved ? I just can't seem to put it to rest. I am so embarrassed. Talking about self-centered people. I am one. I just..No matter how much I want to cover up, how much I want to forget the night, I keep having visualizations of the silliness and just...I shouldn't have done it. It was a mistake. I am too poised to go behind my parent's back...But I needed a taste of...I needed to have a story, a taste of adventure and I guess this was my only opportunity to have it, and I half way regret it but a part of me still likes the outer aspects of the story of being stoned that I would tell people and laugh...

Let's distract my mind for a bit...I am done contemplating and detouring guilt trips...So it is 4.50 am, I got messed up my sleeping hours again, I am binge-watching Gossip Girl season 4...Yeah it kind of put me on a gossip mood...

So last time, I was talking about Freddy and Riley and Music Guy drama...I think I am going to elaborate on that since I need to distract my mind from pot, food, insomnia. So Riley likes M and Freddy was hurting, so he recently asked out one of my friend's friend who lives abroad btw. Came to visit last month and we'll call her S. I think when she came, something sparked between the two because Freddy seemed head over the hills for her....We all could tell, something was glitching, because barely a day ago, Freddy was calling Riley, wanted to talk to her, looked her way like an old lover who's still got strings attached and S's bestie was concerned if he breaks her friend's heart. But Freddy confirmed he has moved on and he wants S and only S.

So that's what the latest news was until I heard the most bizarre thing from T...She said just after the confession of Freddy, just a day after maybe, Freddy and Riley got back together. Because Riley said to him she isn't quite over him and she would do anything- even sleep with him to get him back...So it was all a jealous game. Now S is hurting because she was pretty convinced that Freddy liked her enough and she has been talking to best friend who is our mutual friend and she revealed some big secrets to destroy him and....Oh my god...She got the screenshots of his chats with her where he came clean..He once made out with his maid, who lives with him still now btw and that is just disgusting! He reminds me of my uncle now....All though my uncle has stooped to lower levels. But NO that is wrong, no matter which level you do it...Making out with your maid, NO. NO. That's wrong. And all I thought about Freddy turned into dust. I never imagined him to do such thing like this and be so allured toward wrong decisions.

So there is some tension going on in our squad between Riley, Freddy and S's best friend, and we don't wanna show our hate because it is too complicated now but we can not but help ignore R  and F for what they did is just can't be forgotten just like that...And I think they are repenting about what they did, they're hardly showing up, chickened out. But just too much drama going on...I am not sure if I am liking it...Music Guy wants us to be together, but despite knowing all this? How can he?

I think I am gonna stop it here today, I have 3 assignments due and one documentary to watch...And my niece is coming tomorrow....I am making a blog for her, with pictures and all....It is gonna be a time bomb, I am gonna keep it like a journal and give her the address when she turns 16 or something. I can't believe she's gonna leave me for Canada, in about 18 days....I am gonna miss her terribly; you don't have any idea how much...Every time she's here, I cherish her and I hold her in my arms and I just lose it...And it is like she's the only kid who just was able to reach to my heart and I can't imagine being without her for months even let alone years and years....I am gonna be in so much depression....But I want what is the best for her future. And I guess Canada is a way better place than Bangladesh ever will be...

Ugh so much typing....I should get back to Gossip Girl now...
You know you love me
xoxo







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