I am so fucking confused right now. About him.
Okay so let me start off by saying, last week has been crazy for me. I've been miserable and depressed at a level which made me want to harm myself. I felt unwanted, unworthy and unsexy...
And I am having like a bad hair month. I don't know maybe because of the humid or something my hair is like in a very vulnerable condition. One of the reasons why I felt unsexy.
But today when he complimented my hair by saying if it was all natural or did I copy one of those in game of thrones girls, I got the past feels. There has been a time when he completely ignored my existence, but today, he did notice everything I said and he was kind of...I don't know...Flirty? In a very harmless way tho. But what I did? I shooed him away. I felt like I couldn't respond intelligibly and it was almost killing me inside. For the first time in forever, he'd been playful and I just couldn't send him the correct vibe. But I did feel sexy today. It's been a very long time, I got an inspiring feeling. And I thank him for that.
What really made me confused..one of my friends asked on the topic we were talking and that was dating. Singer guy always tells this phrase that shockingly matched with what my father used to say to me. He says, what is written in fate will happen. You will end up with the one that's written with you. So one of my friends just to counter at that asked him, What if you end up with HER? *pointing at my direction!!* And he said "If that happens, happens." It was an affirmative answer, and I was kind of shaking my head while before he answered, damn it was awkward..I was mortified. A part of me didn't want anyone to know how I feel for him. But is it so obvious that he had to ask that question, and his reply had to be affirmative? Does he feel anything for me, actually or was it just a generous answer? I feel so confused about him now. Like I understand, if he truly felt something, he would say.Guys do that right? If a guy likes a girl, he would probably give much more validation than that...And I guess I didn't get my validation, what he said was just, harmless flattering, well it kind of made my day. But I shouldn't outburst my feelings again, I have to have self control. He still ain't over his ex. He is still holding his door out for her. And I don't wanna be caught up in the middle. I don't wanna be someone just available and someone just he will praise now and then make me feel special and then completely shut down. Because I got so invested in him that I am not up for just a chance. If he is willing to try, he gotta try, he can't just hope things will fall into place and work themselves up. That's not how love works these days.
I am probably overthinking. He may be a bit attracted to me, but his feelings aren't that strong. Otherwise he would say. And I would know. Cause he is a guy, duh!
Okay so let me start off by saying, last week has been crazy for me. I've been miserable and depressed at a level which made me want to harm myself. I felt unwanted, unworthy and unsexy...
And I am having like a bad hair month. I don't know maybe because of the humid or something my hair is like in a very vulnerable condition. One of the reasons why I felt unsexy.
But today when he complimented my hair by saying if it was all natural or did I copy one of those in game of thrones girls, I got the past feels. There has been a time when he completely ignored my existence, but today, he did notice everything I said and he was kind of...I don't know...Flirty? In a very harmless way tho. But what I did? I shooed him away. I felt like I couldn't respond intelligibly and it was almost killing me inside. For the first time in forever, he'd been playful and I just couldn't send him the correct vibe. But I did feel sexy today. It's been a very long time, I got an inspiring feeling. And I thank him for that.
What really made me confused..one of my friends asked on the topic we were talking and that was dating. Singer guy always tells this phrase that shockingly matched with what my father used to say to me. He says, what is written in fate will happen. You will end up with the one that's written with you. So one of my friends just to counter at that asked him, What if you end up with HER? *pointing at my direction!!* And he said "If that happens, happens." It was an affirmative answer, and I was kind of shaking my head while before he answered, damn it was awkward..I was mortified. A part of me didn't want anyone to know how I feel for him. But is it so obvious that he had to ask that question, and his reply had to be affirmative? Does he feel anything for me, actually or was it just a generous answer? I feel so confused about him now. Like I understand, if he truly felt something, he would say.Guys do that right? If a guy likes a girl, he would probably give much more validation than that...And I guess I didn't get my validation, what he said was just, harmless flattering, well it kind of made my day. But I shouldn't outburst my feelings again, I have to have self control. He still ain't over his ex. He is still holding his door out for her. And I don't wanna be caught up in the middle. I don't wanna be someone just available and someone just he will praise now and then make me feel special and then completely shut down. Because I got so invested in him that I am not up for just a chance. If he is willing to try, he gotta try, he can't just hope things will fall into place and work themselves up. That's not how love works these days.
I am probably overthinking. He may be a bit attracted to me, but his feelings aren't that strong. Otherwise he would say. And I would know. Cause he is a guy, duh!
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