Skip to main content
I'm getting no sleep. Crying on old crummy songs. My period starts today, so I actually can blame on my hormones now.

My friend Turtle Dove has been super friendly today. We had a nice chat clearing all the things out. I actually realized all we were missing is the direct communication. But she is gonna come to my house more often, 4 days a week so I don't know. I have never spent so much time with someone outside my family. Always been afraid to be close with people. Because they leave. They change and they don't miss you afterwards. I don't know if I am ready for that. I don't like these sort of friendships. Basing on your needs. But I guess since my sister got married off, T has been the only one. like my sister I shared my thoughts to. And it feels nice having a temporary adjustment of a sister so me not complaining.

Crying over him. How can he not understand how much I am into him. How can he still be holding onto his ex? How can he not see. There's ME. There's an I. And there could be a we? How can he just stand there, throw compliments at me and expect me to accept them like an adult and flirt back because I can't flirt, I never have maybe flirted, This is ridiculous, I love him I can't say. I love him. His voice. His beard. His grown hair.Everything about him is just...so...likable to me. And I just. He has to be a fool not knowing....

He's got all the answers, Here. In this blog. He's got every fucking answer to I don't know if he ever questioned if I had a crush on him or not, or did he hear from anyone? Because crushes don't just stay crushes they travel with the wind, ANd I am just falling for him so bad and he is pretending not to know, or he just doesn't have a clue, the answers are all HERE.


I love him, I do. I JUST DO. No more denial. I do. I love him. I love singer guy! With all my fucking heart and mind and everything and  I can see a future and babies and
and I just know somehow, he doesn't. I don't come across his mind as often he does on mine. I am just someone he might feel an attraction to sometimes, I just don't know....Where are my answers?
Why can't he move on? See that I exist. Someone who loves him with all dear heart exists?

This universe works in bullshit ways.
When will he know? And what am I gonna do with all this love I have for him? I trash it where? Love isn't like poo I can flush it down the toilet. Love is a cruel little thing playing with minds, and never leaving until it destroys every fucking soul within your skin until you give up and never be able to love again the same way and it sucks. I want him to be able to love somebody again.

And I want that somebody to be me.







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more

world war?

 Dear B,  I don't watch the news but there has been a lot of speculations on social media of a possible world war III. My sister just texted me that I should save up money as we don't know what that might do to the economy. It is ironic because I just ordered something online last night. Every time I go out, I spend. I don't even have a good paying job and I spend like I have full time. However, one thing I learned from my past is that there is no point in stressing about the future. What I have control over is now. I can either live in the moment or ruin it by ruminating and what good will it bring to my life? Living alone can get boring. However, I am trying to find things to do. Maybe I will visit a bookstore today. Lets see.  I have rearranged the furnitures yesterday. Cleaned as well. The place looks good.  Maybe I will go IKEA. I love it there. Even though I can't afford furnitures, I just enjoy looking at them. Oh what to tell you B. My in-laws are coming this...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more