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I'm getting no sleep. Crying on old crummy songs. My period starts today, so I actually can blame on my hormones now.

My friend Turtle Dove has been super friendly today. We had a nice chat clearing all the things out. I actually realized all we were missing is the direct communication. But she is gonna come to my house more often, 4 days a week so I don't know. I have never spent so much time with someone outside my family. Always been afraid to be close with people. Because they leave. They change and they don't miss you afterwards. I don't know if I am ready for that. I don't like these sort of friendships. Basing on your needs. But I guess since my sister got married off, T has been the only one. like my sister I shared my thoughts to. And it feels nice having a temporary adjustment of a sister so me not complaining.

Crying over him. How can he not understand how much I am into him. How can he still be holding onto his ex? How can he not see. There's ME. There's an I. And there could be a we? How can he just stand there, throw compliments at me and expect me to accept them like an adult and flirt back because I can't flirt, I never have maybe flirted, This is ridiculous, I love him I can't say. I love him. His voice. His beard. His grown hair.Everything about him is just...so...likable to me. And I just. He has to be a fool not knowing....

He's got all the answers, Here. In this blog. He's got every fucking answer to I don't know if he ever questioned if I had a crush on him or not, or did he hear from anyone? Because crushes don't just stay crushes they travel with the wind, ANd I am just falling for him so bad and he is pretending not to know, or he just doesn't have a clue, the answers are all HERE.


I love him, I do. I JUST DO. No more denial. I do. I love him. I love singer guy! With all my fucking heart and mind and everything and  I can see a future and babies and
and I just know somehow, he doesn't. I don't come across his mind as often he does on mine. I am just someone he might feel an attraction to sometimes, I just don't know....Where are my answers?
Why can't he move on? See that I exist. Someone who loves him with all dear heart exists?

This universe works in bullshit ways.
When will he know? And what am I gonna do with all this love I have for him? I trash it where? Love isn't like poo I can flush it down the toilet. Love is a cruel little thing playing with minds, and never leaving until it destroys every fucking soul within your skin until you give up and never be able to love again the same way and it sucks. I want him to be able to love somebody again.

And I want that somebody to be me.







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