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Can't believe I replaced the empty bottle of my super black mascara with my mother's new one and used extra coats of it to manage to look pretty and bat my eye lashes to look flirty and fun only to find him paying no attention toward me. YUCK. I am annoyed at myself for doing that. For getting ready to please. It is just that I missed him, when he was off to perform his songs out of town and I just wanted him to notice me, YUCK. What's happening to me again. I am supposed to stay away from the idea of even liking him a bit. He is not worth my time or thought. There he is probably busy in his study and work and I am here writing about him...AGAIN! I bet whoever reading this is face-palming, see I am sorry too. I can't control these yucky feelings, that just don't leave me. And I am trying to right now. But my mood changes in a flip. But trust me, when I got the black eye removing the mascara I swore myself never putting'em again unless for a special occasion. I feel so cheap. I ain't just made for him and he isn't for me. It is time I have to accept that, with soul and mind and heart.

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