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There is a thing called fate. Do I believe in it? Technically, No. Metaphorically, Yes.
I believe there are dots everywhere, each connects to the other and leads the way.
When I look back into my past, I don't look at some dots, scattering all around, I see a chain, a connection of some sort. And a contribution that brought me to the present.

I don't know why I felt the need to say this. I just felt that all my life, I had accepted where I stood. Which I shouldn't. I shouldn't give up. I shouldn't stop at where I am now. This must go on. My life can't pause into thinking about one man in particular. I can't waste my time thinking what could be with just that guy. He doesn't count in my future. Or maybe I would see him around. But I can't jeopardize my present thinking about what ifs. Daydreaming about being loved and cared for when the truth is. He might just not be into the bigger picture. He might just be a fluke or a valueless, timeless obsession.

When I took a good look at his physique the other day, I realized what could be the reason that attracted my mind so much...I realized, what is so special about him is that I think something's special about him.But he is just as flawed as a human can be. Maybe more than flawed. And when I realized that, I kept telling myself, I must be a fool. A great big fool to have fallen for someone like this. And right now, when all he wants is to win that girl's heart...a rebound to get over the past. Wants to be with someone so people don't look at him with pitiful eyes and you know the greater truth? I am not that someone, I will never be the someone and I don't want to be that girl he wants by his side. I am just not that type. And he is just not my type at all.

It feels great to get attention. To get compliments from him but I realized, my want and needs just stop right there. I don't love him enough to be with him. I realized this the other day. God it would be awkward if we were....GOD it would be such a dysfunctional combination of souls.

Glad. I am glad I realized this. I am glad I don't feel much miserable like I used to. 









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