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I don't have a clue what is happening this semester. I completely gave up my studying. Yesterday I went to university and didn't go to any of the classes. I spent the whole day with friends.

I hate myself. I hate how I am wasting my father's money. I don't know what to do. I am making mess everywhere I go...

Right now I am binge watching How I met Your Mother and I'm afraid I am liking it more than I liked watching Friends...Problem with live streaming is, when it buffers, I start to think back how I am wasting my time, how I am not studying and making any improvements, how I am such a lazy ass and how I've no dignity. Every thought links me down to him. Our conversation. And another him. Our holding hands. Yeah, there's two of them now. I don't know how it happened, I sorta disliked the other one in the past, but how in the hell did I end up liking when he did what he did with my pinky. I know it sounds bizarre and weird but yeah..He was sort of playing with my fingers(!) and I let him, And I completely pretended to be an ignorant. He is a friend. I am not supposed to have attraction/that sort of feeling for him, but I kinda liked it...Gosh am I that desperate?...Apparently, every time when it buffers in the screen, I do self lathing and throw my head back, look at the ceiling and whisper out in a sigh- FUCK MY LIFE.
I went for a hair cut yesterday. I got fringe now. Every time I look in the mirror, I kinda regret. Curly hairs suck.

My life is falling apart.






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