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A depressing note.

I feel like I am so emotionally invested in relationships. Stop. You're thinking- oh.boyfriends. I hate when people do that, they jump into conclusions just like that.

Anyway, when I say relationships I mean relationship with my family and friends. I am such an emotional person. I always try to make everyone happy and equally satisfied and then I forget how stupid that is. I am clinging to what will be taken away from me someday and forever. Nobody is here for anyone. Love comes with pain. And I am always hungry for affection, love, friendly attitude which are not eternal but scarce. Sometimes I wish I could be a bitch and ditch everyone else and just be free. I don't have the tiniest bitchiness in me. I am so emotionally attached that I almost love the people who doesn't even care I exist. I feel hate heating up when someone misjudges me, but I fail to fight back. which is happening every point in my life right now.

I accidentally hurt people who truly love me. And I feel as much as hurt they feel then. And people whom I barely know, I can't hurt them even in a thousand decades, I don't know why, but my voice does not rise. When I should be screaming at them I keep bowing my head down. Which gives them the power to hurt me. I feel completely unarmed and that happened so many times that I lost the counts.

Allah knows me. He knows how fool I make myself all the time. I look at this outside world with awe and love where there is no love that I can find. No one is going to babysit you like your parents. You are 19 and people are going to treat you like you've known life for 27 years. They will expect more from you. And if you fail to impress, they are going to throw you away like a junk.

Emotions are what makes human, human. And I feel like I have a canal that floods up with it. My parents are the softest, kindest people and I got that from their genes.Trouble-Trouble everywhere. I am getting offended more and more by people's words and every time I feel a shock. How can someone be so heartless. You have to earn everything nowadays. How? By showing. You're a fool if you keep your feelings inside your head. You have to rage, fight back and show off. What you're thinking inside, stays inside. They are of no values. The people who are successful are successful at showing how much successful they are.

There's no room for emotions out there. Where will I dump them? 
 

















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