Everly

I don't have any idea how I'd manage without seeing him once in a while. fuck. he is perfect! Eventually soul mates meet for they have the same hiding place. Call me crazy. But I feel a connection with him. There is definitely something. Though it's something that only concerns me.We never really had a decent talk. It's on me. Whenever he speaks to me I get awkwardly shy. He's like gravity. The essence of him being anywhere near me feels like having a gravitational pull. Not quite sure if it makes any sense tho, I only meant to make it sound vivid. .Science is not my thing ya know.

I screwed up. I don't know what's waiting for me out there but I surely did screw up my future.Today's Accounting exam was crap and I have ICT and Management to worry about too. So that makes it what, three? F marks on three tests? How are they gonna let me register for HSC? I have made such a mess.And I have almost given up. All I want is another chance. But I think I am out of second chances too.There is no way I could pass through this. The thing is, I go completely insane when I'm on pressure. Syllabus,. tests, admissions these go completely out of my favor. I screw up  when I am pressurized. And I am not a hard-worker. Even when I have hard plans, I fail to accomplish them through my work. That's how I am.I always struggle in the last minute. And this is Bangladesh. If I fail, my whole life would sink into a never-ending despair.I can't drop college just like that.And here,I can't do justice to any kind of  passions I have it in  me.I can't just d...

I am quite over the thing now. Although it lingered on my head the whole day. The more I think of it the more it pains me, so I decided not to go there. I am gonna pretend nothing really happened like everybody else in the family.I don't have to make a fuss out of it. Right now I am gonna focus on my studies. I have to pass every subject.I am okay now. Maybe it was the exam pressure that got me more depressed yesterday. I just had to sleep on it. So.Today at college, they served us the wrong question paper. They mistakenly gave us the first paper question which we were about to be giving exam on December. How awesome is that?! The teachers told us to give the papers back but we were reading the shit out of it. At that time I wished I had a photographic memory. Then I could take a snap and store it for the coming exam and score! The girl behind me was like - "Put it on your pocket!I won't tell anyone!" Ah well we didn't have to. Mcdreamy got furious. He sent us ...

Nanu isn't home and I've pretty much got the room to myself. Bliss. Ann emailed me last night. Seemed like she'd been through hell and back. She has a therapist in school now. I like how they've got all the counseling arrangements in schools. I have an exam tomorrow. I had two day's study gap which I mostly wasted on sleeping, eating and watching Good Luck Charlie episodes online.I ended up watching a whole season yesterday. So I pretty much have just 18 hours to prep for the exam now which is cool. I never happen to finish the whole syllabus anyway.Figures. This is bad. This is really bad. I should be studying. I should be panicking I don't know for-, I have barely touched the book I am giving exam on tomorrow.Why am I always indifferent to these things? This exam is really important. OKay, I am gonna go. Right after I finish this post. Yeah. You have my word. You know what they say- Don't read beauty magazines, it will make you feel ugly.So true! L...

So it was the after-exam, stress relieving talk with friends. I was looking forward to see that one particular face, which I haven't seen in weeks. And like a blessing he came down the hallway as I was wearing a face-splitting grin while listening to the chit-chats of those girls beside me. I pretended not to look at him until he passed by my side and said-"Why does everyone look so happy today?! Did the exam turn out well?" I flushed. He was heading out; in the meantime a bunch of stupid attention-seekers circled around and asked him to open their packet of chips.Ugh.I mean seriously? Aren't they a bit old to ask someone to open their food beverages? Can't they just do it by themselves? I couldn't settle my eyes on him anymore,there he was...cracking jokes with his fellow students. And before I know it,he was gone off the gate. Then I realized how much I missed him the whole week.:( P.S: The reason behind this dramatic lines and listening to crummy music...

There's nothing more painful than giving exams. And obviously, the last-moment preparations for it. When you can't help but study because you had learned nothing but sleeping with eyes wide open through the whole semester.I am no mood for studying, but doing it anyway. Ugh. My life right now,is a complete mess. And I don't know why I am being such an ass. I have so much to take care of. The dream to get into a public university won't just come true on its own you know.Honestly, I am not even that much sure of the board exam that's coming up. I could screw it, big time! My preparation ain't gonna get me an A+. So. Admission into some good university isn't something I should emphasize on right now. Because the big scary thing is already on my way to make it or break it for me. I slept the whole morning.Woke up at 12 pm and had lunch. Then slept again for couple of hours. Woke up, bathed, had tea and freaked out at the huge syllabus for exam tomorrow. I to...

Today, when I woke up my mom greeted me with an awkward hug. And by that I knew something was up.So she gave me this beautiful piece of advice. She said, "Don't you do any love affairs. We're gonna find you a very good husband who'd take you to America, where you so wanted to be." I was like "Oh really?" I mean look at me. Am I that much qualified to get someone who's happened to be an immigrant of damn freaking America?. I barely stay awake, I don't do any kind of chores because I am super lazy. I am also a  suckish student. oh most importantly I am not so attractive.I don't talk to boys unless I am spoken to. So. Love affairs and Me? Doesn't make any sense. And about getting a Bengali-American husband? Yeah like they're so easy to get! Then nanu said, my aunties (khalamoni) already started the Man-hunt. They even thought of one but the man is 10 years older than me. So it got denied. My jaw dropped. I was like are they gonna mar...

Tomorrow is the last day of my college life. The last time I would actually be sitting in that classroom. I am definitely going to miss that coziness, that long-boring class hours, off-hours, gossiping about almost anything and everything during lectures and tiff-in breaks. We've become so close now. Everybody is everybody's friends. There's no jealousy, no fights. We have bonded so well this last year. I am gonna miss those familiar faces. Most importantly, I am gonna miss my gang. Ankan & Ann. Ann's now in the USA. I am already missing her. And Ankan I don't even know what I'd do without her. She missed the private yesterday so I had to go there all by myself. And it sucked. I had no one to talk to and Sir was already so late. Actually, I managed to talk with my classmates there, they didn't bore me much. But it wasn't the same without Ankan. I just passed one day without her and my day turned into some shit. I was so depressed when I got home. ...

I wanna confess something I have been hiding all along. I once wrote you about one of my childhood stories, probably a blast from the past involving my grand-mother on the dad's side.It was when she scolded me real bad for dressing up like a boy, wearing shabby half-pants with a tank. Point to be noted, I was only seven years old then. So wearing a half-pant shouldn't have been a problem in my concern. Okay I wouldn't repeat the story. But let me give you a brief how I felt and be feeling about this now. When she scolded me for dressing up like this and told me I was looking like one of the girls from the street I was barely holding my tears back. Right beside me was Anika, one of my prettiest cousin and Dadu(that's what I call my grandma) told me to look at her. Look at her beauty and the lovely frock she was wearing. At that moment I cried. I cried because I was scold. I dived into the pillow after that scene and cried my heart out because I was just a child...

They didn't go to the private today. And I preferred not going too, because I didn't wanna show up alone without Ankan. Then I would have to go through a whole bunch of theories and lectures and maths without having someone to talk to by my side. Ankan didn't agree to go anyway. In fact, she was utterly surprised at me for; why I am always eager to go stat coaching. I told her that it's getting close to the finals; I am just keeping those maths in practice and so I need coaching but she didn't seem to care. She even, doubted on me that I am crushed on Stat sir. Oh tell about it! I didn't let her doubting any further. Because I don't want anyone knowing that I have a crush on someone inappropriate to my age and mind. That he's no one but our subject-teacher.And if my friends knew about it, they'd make fun of it, whereas it's nothing to be made fun of. I am not just crushed on him. The feelings I have for him is beyond that term. I am fond of hi...

Today when I woke up, my intuitions were telling me something's good gonna happen my way. I went to private wearing my favorite dress and for some reason my curls seem all happy and bouncy. Sunsilk suits me. When I got to the private I was already late for 10 mins. I had two options. Get late for Accounting or get late for Stat.Because I had two coaching today. I went for Accounting because I don't wanna miss those 10 mins for my stat class; you know why. But doing accounting class was a torture. I was craving to see McDreamy's face but sir seemed to delay teaching us maths. So I waited impatiently, hoping that boring class to end.Then after an hour it was done and I was determined today to sit in the front row, near McDreamy  in stat class.  So I did! I got to sit in the front row and could see his face from up close.He was sitting right in front of me, face to face and aww he patted on my hair twice or maybe thrice I kind of forgot. At first when I entered the room,...

Yesterday the whole Bangladesh was in black-out. Electricity was gone for like 14-15 hours. Wifi went off. It was a torture. I spent the whole evening in our terrace watching stars.

Ankan gave me her diary to write her something, only 15 or 16 days are left for our college years to over. And I don't have a freaking idea what to write her. She's been my friend since school and a very good friend. She's a geek and a bitch in combine. Should I write her that? No? I don't know whenever she gives her diary to write her something, I screw it up. The last day of school I wrote her a bunch of bad compliments because I wasn't in a great mood. I don't want to mess up her college memories now. I should write something special, sweet and worthy of remembering. So. Let me clear my head and remember all the good moments I spent with her these 5 years.