Everly

The weather is PURR-FECT today. It's been raining the whole morning. Oh the sound and fresh smell just got me like...really in a nice mood. Anyway. It's been one hell of a sick week. Brutal. I had to give two presentation yesterday, skipped the quiz because I couldn't take it anymore. And how'd I do? It was so embarrassing. I don't wanna talk about it please. All that matters now is they are over for the semester. And my birthday is coming up this Monday, I am turning 20. Wow. A big step to adulthood. I hate that I wouldn't be an adolescent anymore. I will be an adult pretty soon. No excuse. No childish excuses. Mature. Ladylike 20. That is crazy. I basically want to stay 19 my whole life. I love staying teen. I hate that next year I'll be 21. Time is moving so fast. Oh my god. Please stop before I turn 30. So tomorrow, I am buying a new phone. My old phone sucks. I've been using it for 3 years now, I am so in need of a new phone so I somehow manage...

So my grandma left last week for her flight to Seattle, she is going to stay at her son's place couple of months. Sometimes, I feel like. NO she is not left behind. Everybody in her family cares for her. NO she has place to stay, she has plenty of places to stay. Dhaka, New jersey, Canada, Seattle, Dallas, London. Her children are taking care of her. There's no point in feeling sorry for this old lady, rather I feel annoyed sometimes. When she says she likes it here. Out of all the cool places she's been. She likes Dhaka. She likes our chaotic, Dhaka. She likes to stay at our place, which I think is too small for her because she has to share a room with her grand-daughter. I don't know it's just last week and it is giving me a feeling like she's never been here. Like it's so normal for her to leave. I don't feel a thing. I don't have any feelings. I think she knows that. Because when my siblings were hugging her goodbye, she gave kisses to each ch...

The question is. Why am I here, when I have like thousand things to do and achieve within a week. Not even kidding. Next week, it is going to be brutal. I have a final 8 min presentation due next monday, for which I haven't even prepared the slides, have two final quizzes which I cannot afford to mess up, have to write a response paper, and before that I have to select two articles and also, I have to write one final article. Then oh I have also another presentation to prepare for in the midst of this. Then, FINALS. The pressure is on! Damn. I don't know why I am telling you all this, seriously. I have been telling myself since I got home from uni- "You need to get started!" But I haven't started yet at all...It's just so much!

The youth of our country, either making lame videos on youtube or leaving for abroad. And I am stuck in here watching those videos, feeling like if I had the money to buy a pro camera, I would show how it is done, how to shoot amazing fun videos without filling the content with lame jokes. Literally.

 Note to self. STOP BEING SO USELESS.

I am not a perfectionist, I wish I were tho. My expectations aren't set high. I am always struggling average in life. I don't know, I just don't care enough to be perfect. I get humbled easily by people around me. I want everybody to be happy and in good terms with me. That is why I don't have any enemies, I don't have any exciting revenge story. I am kind of delusional. And this world isn't fair come on! They say, freedom is a state of mind, I know that but what about the barriers that the society is creating in certain countries and religion, like mine? And I know, there's still people who abandon these rules and live a bad-ass life but what about those who can't only because they put their family up first. What about those whose parents are not willing to adapt with the changes their child want to make in their life? I've been mostly unhappy with the position I'm in. I've always felt like I am imprisoned. I've wanted to show off s...