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soul searching

 Dear B. 

Past few days have been really tough on me given that I started a new job and I was feeling really shaky and anxious about everything in my life. It messed with my sleep, my mood, my appetite, relationship with my husband, and overall made me lose connection to myself. I felt so down and something just didn't feel right. 

Today, I feel really calm and collected. I realized when hard times come, it is really important not to lose hope. It is so easy to give in to it and let the mind narrate a story that is far from reality just to put ourselves at unease. However, we have to remind ourselves as many times as we can that it is a temporary feeling and let it pass without putting more thoughts into it. 

On the bus rides, countless times I have victimized myself thinking "I am not worth it" or "I am so poor", "Maybe I'll lose this job", "Maybe my husband will stop loving me", "He doesn't make any efforts" and it only pulled me down to a very dark spot and I started crying.

I have been open and honest with my husband since I had the anxiety attack that night. He has been so kind and reassuring to me. He has also shown me he cares and making small changes in our routine so that I feel happy. Taking me out to have brunch and also being soft spoken. I am slowly rediscovering my love for him and feeling secure again. I am glad that he understood my struggles and did his part. 

Today, I sat down with myself and wrote all the things I want to implement in my life at this point. I will slowly work on those and try not to be too stressed about life. Today, I looked at the mirror and held my tummy and said 'there is nothing wrong with my body. I look beautiful. There is no point in feeling insecure about those beauty standards. I simply don't care. I love my body as it is and I will focus on getting healthy instead of pursuing unrealistic body shapes.' I honestly felt a freedom in saying so and I think I would focus on my own made up rules instead of the society's or anybody's whose opinion simply doesn't matter to me. 

This life is short and temporary. There is no point in wasting it on being sad and frustrated. I am going to focus on being content and grateful. 



cute notebook
Manifesting




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