Skip to main content

 Hi B, 

I am at this point of my life where I can either play the blame game and be a victim or be in charge of fixing my life. Searching for jobs has been so frustrating. However, I can't give up on it. I know I will get a job by this year and things will get easier. 

I am trying to show up for myself every day instead of seeking refuge in my bed. I am trying to be consistent. I am trying out a new thing called content creation. I am working out at least 20 minutes a day. Somedays I do feel lazy but I still make myself do at least something. I have emotional breakdowns often and I get disappointed at my husband too for not being a good husband sometimes but then again, he is not in charge of my life. I can't simply expect that. I guess I am just trying to navigate through this mess called 'life.' 

What made me realize is that without work there won't be any outcomes. I can't just simply sit on my ass all day and expect results. I have had enough of this. I moved to Canada in May 2024 and it is already February 2025. It is almost a year now. It is not fair to me that I sit idly and binge watch shows. I am at least not that privileged to do so. 

I am learning things about 'love' too. I am learning that you have to put on effort on yourself too to be loved. I am not saying it is a bad thing. We should reach to the best version of ourselves for the person we love. We deserve it to ourselves. We deserve ourselves to enjoy the best version of ourselves and to honour the love we have for other person. I did kind of stopped working on myself after marriage. I can either put the blame on my husband or actually take some accountability for it. One thing I equally like and dislike about him is that he will never sugarcoat things for me. He would openly and brutally criticize me, which made me toughen up. We did have our fights and issues but at the end of the day, we always know we love each other and that will not get affected. He made me see, I need a purpose and he is not wrong. I do. 

So I am working on finding my purpose along with finding a job. I just have to start reading books again, work on self esteem, work on my diet, make myself tougher and better. I owe it to myself. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...
Post a Comment
Read more

winter together

 Dear B,  Sorry I've been so MIA. Here's the update you missed - My husband came back! He wasn't approved for those 3 months of extension. I've been getting enough cuddles and kisses to survive this winter.  Yes, winter is here. Never underestimate the Canadian winter. It's the worst. Everything is grey and dark. However, I am looking forward to going home in March. I'm so excited to see my friends again. Most importantly my parents and brother. It feels a strange kind of feeling. I am planning to 'visit' the place I was born and call home. It is definitely a new kind of feeling.  Things been okay. We are okay. I am glad to have him back.  We bought a new couch and a coffee table. It's still in back order and I'm impatiently waiting for them to arrive.  Can't believe only 4 days left to 2026. Time is flying so quick. Hope we talk again, B. I swear I missed you!
Post a Comment
Read more