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 Just when I thought I was completely fine, moving on, having no intense memory of him left in me, just when he called again, my wound opened up, and I cried to him, and started missing him again.

However this time it is different. I told him, how being connected with him on social media has a negative effect on me and I have to unfollow him from everywhere and I didn't want to be mean so I asked him first. He didn't mind. So I am finally, detached from his social media. Not constantly checking his stories or post or his views on mine. And it is a wise step.

He told me he was sort of seeing someone. I couldn't control my tears. I don't know why. I was so perfectly well before. I didn't care as much. Until he checked up on me, every hard work on moving on from him, disappeared in the dust. My hard work on keeping my emotions at bay. My hard work on finally moving past the pain... 

We wished each other well. He said some sweet stuff. However, I cannot be his rehab. I cannot be his second choice, I cannot be the person he uses to distract himself from a girl he couldn't convince to be with....This time, I am not going to be his safe haven. So this time, I took this drastic step to completely cut him off.

Next morning I couldn't go to office. I cried like shit. I woke up in the morning, the first thing I did is cry in the washroom. I cried while eating lunch. I cried in the shower. I listened to sad songs consecutively in my headphones and walked in the roof and cried, feeling deeply those sad lyrics in my heart. I cried sitting on the floor of my room. I cried while chatting with other men on the dating app. I cried cried cried. I reached out to my sister and told her how exactly 6 months ago, I felt like this. It's been so long but why does it hurt the same? Why didn't it fade away, yet? She said, you will find somebody and he won't matter anymore. 

Today I picked myself up from bed, and I told myself I won't feel like yesterday. I cried enough and my system will refresh each day, and each day I will be better and stronger and won't need him. I will be okay. Maybe it won't be a smooth ride but I will eventually reach a sense of tranquility each time I hit a storm of pain.

I am open to receiving love but I am so hurt I may be scared to love someone again.

So is this the ultimate closure? Are we finally done?

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