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Dear B,

October is my month of impulsive decisions. I never thought I would see myself in this position, where I constantly make poor life choices, not caring about my mental health, not caring about the growth I successfully endured and then totally spoiled it on the wrong people. It is surprising enough, that at this point of my life and age, I am gradually letting things slide, not giving a fuck and being frustrated but doing nothing about it...

On top of that, in this time of crisis and pandemic, I am going on a trip with my family to the beach. It is another impulsive decision, however, this time not made by me, but I could've vetoed that, I didn't.

I am honestly done. With crying over situations that I didn't take responsibility of. 

It is safe to say, I didn't however, make any mistake that is going to cause me irrevocable damage. I just made mistakes that anyone at my age, is prone to make. And I allowed to grow like that. It is okay. For me being impulsive is a way of sabotaging my trauma. Getting into other messes to cover up previous messes. 

Haven't I been like that my whole life?

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