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day 60

I miss him so much. In a good way. Not like in a desperate way.

I miss him knowing that after this crisis ends, we are gonna meet each other again. I believe that. Even if he finds someone to hang out with. I'll be there. I don't care if we are not gonna end up being together. I am open to whatever possibilities we have, even the thinnest ones. I miss his face. I miss his beard. I miss everything about him. The time he rubbed off lipstick stains from my face with his hands. The time he kissed my stomach. The time he held my waist. His teeth on my neck. I cherish every moment of us being together. It was not much, it was just couple of hours if I sum it all. We didn't get much time, it was so short and sweet and I am happy it happened. I am happy he was my first kiss. I like him, and even if we don't love each other enough or know each other enough, I still wanna be with him. Even the day, when he would get married to somebody else, I will be happy for him. Cause I accepted the fact that, this was supposed to be a fling for us. And it still is, and I like the fact that there is no break ups, or heart breaks, because it's just a fling, It is not a relationship, it doesn't have any label, we are two individuals free to do whatever we want with ourselves, and I love that.

Even if we don't talk much anymore, even if I would wait for his name to pop up my screen, even if we are dealing with quarantine alone, not talking to each other much about deeper issues, I still like him and I still know he is there, and I am here and after all this sadness and confusing times, we will meet again and we will catch up and I am looking forward to that.

It's one of those hopeful days. 

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