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day 40

Starting of ramadan from today.
I prayed and I am fasting. I prayed for my family and all that -Make everything okay- kid edition
I prayed for forgiveness and I prayed to be loved, the right way.
I prayed that if he cannot love me the right way, at least send me someone who can. Because I am aching, and I miss him and I hate myself for missing him and wondering constantly if he is missing me too, if he too looks at our thread on whatsapp, his thumb pondering over the call button.

I listen to all the songs he posts on IG story, I am like an obsessive person. I don't know if this is normal post break up tendency that I am all over his page.

I don't know when we will be talking again. I am craving good old normal conversation. So much now it hurts. I don't have to get back with him, I just want a conversation... is it too much? Am I failing at saving my dignity?

I don't know.

Covid-19 is destroying 2020 and we are helpless.
Save us from this wrath Allah, please.

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