So I am officially 23.
And I smoked a few mins ago. Yes an actual nicotine full of cigarette, and I felt awfully dizzy. I don't know why I did that, maybe because I had a stressful day today and this is all I was looking forward to all day. It is always exciting and fun to do something that your parents and society abandon you to do. Obviously I am not making a habit out of this, it is not a regular thing. It's just a reckless one day -temporary fun. Besides, I am still kind of dizzy and my room smells. I have to do something about the smell before my non-smoker parents find out about this. Well it's 12.18 am, they're all asleep, hoping in the morning the smell will vanish.
Now I am sitting with a tub of ice-cream. To remove the aftertaste. To be honest. I am not feeling 'good' or 'soothed out', I am feeling super dizzy and a slight headache. Why do smokers enjoy this? I am still trying to figure it out.
My birthday was extra good this year. I had a presentation which I rocked. A popular cartoonist who I occasionally fan-girl about, noticed me through my friend's comments consistently saying how I have a huge crush on him. Well he personally messaged me, saying thank you and wished me happy birthday. One of my friend's friend know him, so that's how it happened. I woke up this morning all giddy, seeing his sweet message.
Speaking of sweet message, music guy, out of nowhere, just messaged me up, with all weirdly funny pickup lines. I feel like he is making somewhat of an effort. Honestly, if he is. I don't know what to say to him. I have done my fair share of trying and being desperate for him. That chapter in my life is closed now. I don't want to pursue that anymore. I just don't understand, why now? Why couldn't he like me then? Say these stuff to me, then?
So I am 23. Oh my god. I have to get used to that right now. I am one year older. This is just happening way too fast.
Turtle dove's dad is sick. He is diagnosed with a cyst in his thyroid. She is really going through something. There was a time when her mom got through cancer and it is all coming back to her. I am worried about her. She has been my only good friend. My closest to be honest. No matter how many times, I judged her in my head, I still cared about her. Yes she is always paranoid. She is a stress machine and sometimes a pain in the ass. But she looks after me, she supports me, appreciates me when I am not feeling myself. And this is really a crisis for her. I hope I could do something. I understand what she is going through because our financial condition is somewhat similar. Her family is all depended on her dad. And it is mentally horrifying for the family to go through such things.
I learned something.
Everybody is fighting their own battles. We shouldn't judge.
I feel bad for all the times, I might have judged her pretty harshly. She is a good human being. Always there for her friends. I really hope, her dad's health improve. I really really hope that.
My head feels so light right now.
Seriously.
Now I feel really really relaxed.
Is that the after effect?
And I smoked a few mins ago. Yes an actual nicotine full of cigarette, and I felt awfully dizzy. I don't know why I did that, maybe because I had a stressful day today and this is all I was looking forward to all day. It is always exciting and fun to do something that your parents and society abandon you to do. Obviously I am not making a habit out of this, it is not a regular thing. It's just a reckless one day -temporary fun. Besides, I am still kind of dizzy and my room smells. I have to do something about the smell before my non-smoker parents find out about this. Well it's 12.18 am, they're all asleep, hoping in the morning the smell will vanish.
Now I am sitting with a tub of ice-cream. To remove the aftertaste. To be honest. I am not feeling 'good' or 'soothed out', I am feeling super dizzy and a slight headache. Why do smokers enjoy this? I am still trying to figure it out.
My birthday was extra good this year. I had a presentation which I rocked. A popular cartoonist who I occasionally fan-girl about, noticed me through my friend's comments consistently saying how I have a huge crush on him. Well he personally messaged me, saying thank you and wished me happy birthday. One of my friend's friend know him, so that's how it happened. I woke up this morning all giddy, seeing his sweet message.
Speaking of sweet message, music guy, out of nowhere, just messaged me up, with all weirdly funny pickup lines. I feel like he is making somewhat of an effort. Honestly, if he is. I don't know what to say to him. I have done my fair share of trying and being desperate for him. That chapter in my life is closed now. I don't want to pursue that anymore. I just don't understand, why now? Why couldn't he like me then? Say these stuff to me, then?
So I am 23. Oh my god. I have to get used to that right now. I am one year older. This is just happening way too fast.
Turtle dove's dad is sick. He is diagnosed with a cyst in his thyroid. She is really going through something. There was a time when her mom got through cancer and it is all coming back to her. I am worried about her. She has been my only good friend. My closest to be honest. No matter how many times, I judged her in my head, I still cared about her. Yes she is always paranoid. She is a stress machine and sometimes a pain in the ass. But she looks after me, she supports me, appreciates me when I am not feeling myself. And this is really a crisis for her. I hope I could do something. I understand what she is going through because our financial condition is somewhat similar. Her family is all depended on her dad. And it is mentally horrifying for the family to go through such things.
I learned something.
Everybody is fighting their own battles. We shouldn't judge.
I feel bad for all the times, I might have judged her pretty harshly. She is a good human being. Always there for her friends. I really hope, her dad's health improve. I really really hope that.
My head feels so light right now.
Seriously.
Now I feel really really relaxed.
Is that the after effect?
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