Everly

my girlfriends and i, we have a messenger group dedicated to bitching about other people. We don't get too harsh, we basically state the facts. I feel specifically bad sometimes because there wasn't a bone in my body who liked "bitching". Let me explain the term to you. It is when you speak bad of people. When I was in middle school, some of my friends made fun of me, they whispered to each other, bad stuff. Basically, they got mad about me sometimes, eating their share of junk foods in the tiff-in period. It made me feel so small. I came back home crying. I was so sad the whole time, I always had a hard time making friends. now I have a lot of friends who I speak bad stuff with. We try to make it as playful as possible just to feed our free time. If you judge it from the pessimistic view, we are awful. But to be honest, I enjoy our little space. Where we can speak our mind instead of sugarcoating everyone. Speaking bad of people is prohibited in our religion but ...

I had to confront myself and this is my confrontation. I am gonna move on from him. It is gonna be difficult but it is the best decision. He is a con-artist and he loves making girls feel special. And then crush their hearts because he likes the thrill. But karma is definitely a bitch because the girl(one of my friends who's really really hot) he truly likes and adores has been unavailable. (she has a boyfriend). I observed and calculated, she is never going to fall for him. Why? Because she is fierce and confident and self-sufficient. Only the silly, insecure women can fall for his sweet talk. I realized, no matter, how I change myself, the conclusion would be the same. He will only notice me on my good looking days. And talk with me in a sweet flirty tone, acting as if, friends do that. I haven't loved him the way a girl should love.  I didn't give much attention. I liked seeing myself through him. Long story short, I wasn't obsessed with him, I was obsessed with ...

I don't know if this happens to anyone. When I see families to be in a state of normal, I get so sad. It happens when I go to a get together, like my friend's house for example. I see their parents or aunts and uncles and I see them being all wholesome and everything, I get a feeling of inferiority. I have always been, sort of embarrassed of myself and my family, I know it sounds utterly selfish and first world problem but I cannot help but come home feeling drained and depressed. It makes me think, if only my parents were more attentive toward me since childhood. If they pushed me to be best. If they, instead of saying like I am so bad at whatever I do, said, I believe in you. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad...I spent my entire childhood feeling like, I can't do anything right. My uncle has a big secret I came to know, after only, becoming an adult. My aunts and uncles are all abroad and I barely have connection with them. My relationship with my grandmother was ne...

I don't know what to make out of this blog because this is not lifestyle or any resourceful content. This blog is just my thoughts and weirdly, i find myself coming back to it whenever i am upset or have a happy feeling to share. I don't mind having this but sometimes, it just gives me a false sense of self because i know i am not a good writer and my sentences are not always grammatically correct. But after writing something, i do have a slight egoistic feeling that i can write any piece. Which is not true at all because firstly, my native language is not English and I am not much of a reader. So the question is, is this blog adding any values to my life or is it just a zone for me to dump all my thoughts in? Because I know I have not gained the potential to life coach anyone, write some sort of like tips and tricks to succeed in life so it actually bewilders me a little bit that somebody would read this pointless rumble.  I do like keeping records, leaving a legacy b...

Good news, I think my hormones are steady because I have gone without crying for a long while.... life is at its place. I still feel worthless and I have a fear that my future is gonna be a bit messed up but other than that, all's well....

My brother aced all his courses. Two years ago right at this time, he was diagnosed with a mental illness called Schizophrenia. He was frustrated, hopeless and on the verge of losing his shit. My parents went through a very tough time, we didn't know what to do to ease whatever he was feeling inside. I felt like my whole world collapsed. He is my twin brother. We shared a womb together. There is nothing more saddening than the part that my brother was going through such mental pain and I couldn't do anything about it. Nothing that I'd say would ease his discomfort because everything was dark in his mind. I almost thought, I lost him. Fast forward til now, my brother has achieved his academic excellence this semester and he has been quite studious, my father helped tremendously with his math courses and such, he has friends now, he likes going classes, he enjoys writing computer codes, he is praying five times a day. Everything is in perfect place. And we couldn't be ...

So I had been trying to write books this whole vacation, I have been so blank oh gosh. But I never imagined my 20 part short novel would get 101 views and here is the crazy part! It has been ranked #18 on Wattpad's hot list out of 82 stories! This has seriously made my night. Now I have more chance in getting discovered. Here is the link if you want to read it sometime:  https://www.wattpad.com/story/165733624-she-drives-him-crazy This is a very mindless story I developed since I was very bored and didn't have much to think about. But getting this ranking actually has inspired me a lot and I will try to improve my story writing from now on and put up more writings there, definitely. I am so happy by this. Really. This is nothing maybe, but I love being accomplished this little ranking on a popular website where my audience demographics show they all live in USA. Yay. 

Classes started and I have the worst skin possible. UGH my pimples are coming back and I hate so so so much. Today even music guy noticed one of my darkest spots. I felt so insecure. Like why do people pick on your insecurities?  I feel so sleepy in the daytime. My sleeping game is not strong. The neighbors were drinking and partying all night last night. Apparently there's some wedding going on up there. The whole apartment building in front of ours is decorated with fairy lights. Very lit. 

...no matter where you're from, your dreams are valid" - Lupita Nyong said these very words in her Oscars receiving speech for best supporting actress in 12 Years a Slave. This movie wrecked me inside. I cried the whole movie. Kept asking myself. How could the world be so cruel. How could this be based on such truth. It literally hurt. The movie is a masterpiece. I believe whoever watched it or just watched it; better late than never, feels something in their body, all goosebumps and tears. It destroyed me. I felt like there is so many issues to be dealt with, in real world, there might not be slavery, still, there is racism and I absolutely am disgusted by it. After all that happened in the history, how can this still be an ongoing subject. It should have been just decades long past. I am still shaken by the story. It befalls me, why there is still people who consider skin before humanity. No matter where you're from, your dreams are valid. I think universe wanted me ...

I can't wait for the classes to start...I am so bored being stuck at home. And I miss hanging out with my friends. I am on a movie marathon all by myself. It is weird having to watch so much movies. I feel like I am making up for the years I haven't watched much. When I was a kid, say 5 or 6, the tv set was in my parent's bedroom. I hardly watched much, my sister watched this hindi reality shows and movies and what not. I remember watching morning cartoons, specifically Dexter's laboratory while getting ready for school. There was another tv set that was my grand parents' living room, we used to live together, but I hardly could claim that one. My grandma was a very controlling person and I wasn't brave enough to touch that one. It was until I think when I was fifteen or sixteen that we finally got our own flat and tv that wasn't in my parent's room that was for common entertainment, that I finally could watch something on. However, there was always s...

I overheard my mother's phone conversation with my aunt telling her that she's going to fix someone for me and after year or two she will have my wedding all arranged. I almost had a cardiac arrest. All I could hear from afar is that the guy works in a company (which I am not going to mention here)  and a woman's name who actually gave her the proposal. I know that woman. She's a relative of my mom's side. I am certainly not ready for marriage. A year is the shortest time to actually be prepared for things like this. I can't sleep since then. I am hardly handling myself. The best fit scenario for me at the least is maybe dating a guy. But marriage is like a whole new dimension. There would be in-laws. There would be a whole new house where I would have to make myself adjust in. And the next year, I am gonna be on by myself hunting jobs. The situation is overwhelming itself. You have no idea how many times I hinted mother I am not ready for this, she would be s...

Hello 2019 I hope to survive you with a strong heart