Hello Me.
It is okay to feel numb.
Feelings are mind made illusions.
Making you think situations to pain you, convince you- you actually care.
It is okay dear if you don't wanna participate. If you just want to be a silent watcher. Listener. Non-sympathizer.
We live in a society, where we must. If we go otherwise it won't frame us as normal.The whole concept of the society is, it is collective thinking and stereotyping.
It doesn't mean you don't have emotions. You have'em. Feelings are dramatized form of your emotions, you keep em silent. You are like this. You cannot change. It's okay.
I accept you. Even when you choose to camouflage. Even when you're not truthful, your heart speaks otherwise.
I accept you despite the fact that you once laughed at one's death. You were finally free of the dominance that person held and you've changed since. You laughed because you were shocked. Body is a mysterious thing. You never know the hormones bewitching you of your own emotions.
I don't know why am I talking about this, maybe for a confirmation I haven't gone crazy. Hearing about death of a person today kind of taken me back to the memory lane. I once laughed at a dead person's body. Maybe somebody seen me laughing and judged me because of it. I don't blame anyone if they did.
Okay. I am comfortable talking about this now.
So what I laughed. It didn't mean anything when my body started to shake. It could be concussion but it resulted in a laugh. And the irony was, I couldn't stop. It got to a point where I peed a little in my pants...I even remember my stomach ached. But I wasn't that happy. I wasn't feeling anything.
There must be a medical reason for this.
Must be...
The dead body was my grandma's. Now before you go- Oh you're so miserable over me let me tell you this. No matter how much I hated my grandma at times because of her being sexist toward me, I never would wish her death so I could laugh at her dead body. I am not that pathetic. What happened was completely innocent. I sure did feel nothing for her being dead, but I sure wasn't "happy" about it.
I cried only after seeing my dad broken in tears. All my emotions just poured out. Didn't even know I had that much tears saved up. It happened almost naturally.
But I laughed at a dead body.
Please tell me, everybody has once in their life did that.
You know what? Let's put an end to this. So what I laughed? She was dead. It wasn't that she could crawl back from her coffin and growl at me. She wasn't alive to witness that coldness.
Thank god, I am writing this all up now. Been saving this up for years.
But trust me on this. I am not devilish. Never was. Maybe it was just a chemical reaction. Our body has mysterious vibes.
Okay now that's out of the way. Never talking about this again. Poof. Gone with the wind.
I am not a fucked up person.
It is okay to feel numb.
Feelings are mind made illusions.
Making you think situations to pain you, convince you- you actually care.
It is okay dear if you don't wanna participate. If you just want to be a silent watcher. Listener. Non-sympathizer.
We live in a society, where we must. If we go otherwise it won't frame us as normal.The whole concept of the society is, it is collective thinking and stereotyping.
It doesn't mean you don't have emotions. You have'em. Feelings are dramatized form of your emotions, you keep em silent. You are like this. You cannot change. It's okay.
I accept you. Even when you choose to camouflage. Even when you're not truthful, your heart speaks otherwise.
I accept you despite the fact that you once laughed at one's death. You were finally free of the dominance that person held and you've changed since. You laughed because you were shocked. Body is a mysterious thing. You never know the hormones bewitching you of your own emotions.
I don't know why am I talking about this, maybe for a confirmation I haven't gone crazy. Hearing about death of a person today kind of taken me back to the memory lane. I once laughed at a dead person's body. Maybe somebody seen me laughing and judged me because of it. I don't blame anyone if they did.
Okay. I am comfortable talking about this now.
So what I laughed. It didn't mean anything when my body started to shake. It could be concussion but it resulted in a laugh. And the irony was, I couldn't stop. It got to a point where I peed a little in my pants...I even remember my stomach ached. But I wasn't that happy. I wasn't feeling anything.
There must be a medical reason for this.
Must be...
The dead body was my grandma's. Now before you go- Oh you're so miserable over me let me tell you this. No matter how much I hated my grandma at times because of her being sexist toward me, I never would wish her death so I could laugh at her dead body. I am not that pathetic. What happened was completely innocent. I sure did feel nothing for her being dead, but I sure wasn't "happy" about it.
I cried only after seeing my dad broken in tears. All my emotions just poured out. Didn't even know I had that much tears saved up. It happened almost naturally.
But I laughed at a dead body.
Please tell me, everybody has once in their life did that.
You know what? Let's put an end to this. So what I laughed? She was dead. It wasn't that she could crawl back from her coffin and growl at me. She wasn't alive to witness that coldness.
Thank god, I am writing this all up now. Been saving this up for years.
But trust me on this. I am not devilish. Never was. Maybe it was just a chemical reaction. Our body has mysterious vibes.
Okay now that's out of the way. Never talking about this again. Poof. Gone with the wind.
I am not a fucked up person.
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