Life has become blunt. These days I am talking too much of life. It is becoming tolerable and tasteless. Don't feel sorry for my vocabulary I actually wanted to use these words.
I am feeling for those people who would have taken drugs on this stage. I know what they would have gone through. It is like losing the essence of aliveness. Nothing is interesting. No excitements there. Either worry or anxieties. Either bed or sofa. Either panicking or restlessness. Either silent or sleep. In literal, being a living dead.
All those depressing thoughts just made me live unhealthy. I sleep over hours, eat nothing at all and then eat like a cow. Whenever I am depressed, I get really reckless over my skin. I don't clean, I don't moisturize. I feel like a garbage can.
Mostly, I feel like a bad person doing this things to my body. Not staying healthy. Not doing hard-work, it's like affecting me as a whole. Maybe because I am a nice person I feel bad. What if I smoked like that girl in our class. What if I took drugs like those people in the streets. I could do worse. I am not. Instead, I oversleep and eat unhealthy-like, don't wash my body nor hair and write all about it in my secret blog. I mean you have to give me credit for all the goodness I have still left.
I want to be successful. And I won't get successful like this. Knowing that doesn't help. All my energies are spent on meaningless things. Nobody listens to me the way I want them to. I want my voice to be heard yet I don't tend to hear it myself. What do I want?
There's plenty of things that only make sense in my head. Not in reality. Like. Dancing. I like dancing. What if I were pursuing dancing as a career. Life could be so much fun. Photography. Music. Everything sounds aesthetic. Studying four years without the guarantee of getting the job I'd love, doesn't really. If I had money, seriously saying, If I had just the enough amount of money, I would pack my bag and fly to Santorini. There will be no one I'd listen to. Do you know how much it hurts staying in one corner of the earth when there's heavens out there? I feel so deprived. The rest of the world is a fairy-tale to me.
And I tell myself I am an impatient person. To have the patience to deal with this life that I have. I am not ready. I am not ready to pass four years in business school, graduating and then maybe or maybe not get a job. Because that's too obvious. I wish I could gamble my whole life into something I would passionately love. I would passionately care for. I would passionately live for.
I am feeling for those people who would have taken drugs on this stage. I know what they would have gone through. It is like losing the essence of aliveness. Nothing is interesting. No excitements there. Either worry or anxieties. Either bed or sofa. Either panicking or restlessness. Either silent or sleep. In literal, being a living dead.
All those depressing thoughts just made me live unhealthy. I sleep over hours, eat nothing at all and then eat like a cow. Whenever I am depressed, I get really reckless over my skin. I don't clean, I don't moisturize. I feel like a garbage can.
Mostly, I feel like a bad person doing this things to my body. Not staying healthy. Not doing hard-work, it's like affecting me as a whole. Maybe because I am a nice person I feel bad. What if I smoked like that girl in our class. What if I took drugs like those people in the streets. I could do worse. I am not. Instead, I oversleep and eat unhealthy-like, don't wash my body nor hair and write all about it in my secret blog. I mean you have to give me credit for all the goodness I have still left.
I want to be successful. And I won't get successful like this. Knowing that doesn't help. All my energies are spent on meaningless things. Nobody listens to me the way I want them to. I want my voice to be heard yet I don't tend to hear it myself. What do I want?
There's plenty of things that only make sense in my head. Not in reality. Like. Dancing. I like dancing. What if I were pursuing dancing as a career. Life could be so much fun. Photography. Music. Everything sounds aesthetic. Studying four years without the guarantee of getting the job I'd love, doesn't really. If I had money, seriously saying, If I had just the enough amount of money, I would pack my bag and fly to Santorini. There will be no one I'd listen to. Do you know how much it hurts staying in one corner of the earth when there's heavens out there? I feel so deprived. The rest of the world is a fairy-tale to me.
And I tell myself I am an impatient person. To have the patience to deal with this life that I have. I am not ready. I am not ready to pass four years in business school, graduating and then maybe or maybe not get a job. Because that's too obvious. I wish I could gamble my whole life into something I would passionately love. I would passionately care for. I would passionately live for.
Comments
Post a Comment