I want to do something crazy. Something reckless and stupid. Something out of the zone. You know what zone I am talking about. I feel like I am suffocating in it. Why can't I be free. free from all of this crap. There is no right and wrong. The sense of right and wrong are created by people. Generations to generations. DO THAT,DON'T DO THAT. I am tired of this. I want to do what I like. For once in my life, I want to be free. I want to get drunk and high. Then fall back again into this normal boring stupid fucked up life. Oops my bad. My life isn't fucked up, I wish it was. It's normal. SO normal that I want to kill myself. I am not kidding... I literally want to do something crazy. For myself. Something that I will remember lying in my deathbed and crackle in glee.
Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.' To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern. I thought taking care of me is selfish. Where taking care of me is fundamental. You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty. So pour yourself first. I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace. These days, I value so much about inner peace. I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
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