Everly

can you believe, in our country they blocked instagram, facebook, whats app, viber everything...I just can't take it anymore. This is holiday month, How brutal! I understand if they block fb but instagram was like my daily med for frustration. I cannot stalk Jensen Ackles now, he just recently joined insta and you have no idea how adorable his picture is with his baby girl! There's gonna be more and I will get nothing because of stupid network error!!! Anyway I was forced then to go to our rooftop in the evening because I had nothing to do...:( I walked, Cool breeze, stars, everything was heaven, And I took my headphones, listened to Adele songs. It was.. amazing. I am going back tomorrow first thing in the morning, pride and prejudice by jane austen, and a cup of tea in my hand...Omg I just had my whole vacation planned. This is gonna be my winter ritual.  I redesigned my blog today I was that bored. So how is it?? I chose the background image because it is so fall! A...

Last night I had this midnight talk with my father and he shared his stories with me. I asked him if he were determined to be an engineer when he was younger. The answer was in affirmative, he was very passionate from the very start of his youth. My father was born in a village and lived in a free environment, where he could go fishing middle of the day, dive into canal water and make spit ball gun with hijal and climb trees and run poultry in his humble house where he used to live with 5 other siblings. He told me about his primary school. It was in one room with 5 benches. Every bench signified a class, so he had to sit in class with kindergartens and classes up to five...He said his high school was standard however, it was in Nobabgonj and he studied a very good deal there. So when did he realize he wanted to be an engineer? He used to make objects out of clays. He said one time he made a mouse out of it, shaped a tail almost as real and everyone was praising him. He once made a...

Lots of cries today. I could blame it on my period but I have my own other reasons. I let my parents make all decisions for me and now I feel like it was a bad idea. I don't have any control over my life or any situations . whenever I am in charge (which has been a very few times) I almost black out..I'm gonna study in business and I don't have the qualities that could certify me as a student of it...I cried today suddenly, everyone was confused of my reaction and I told them I don't deserve to be spent that amount of money on my BBA I think I'm gonna suck I'm gonna be a failure. I never crossed the road without holding my parent's hand...never have I chosen a dress without their approval...I've never done anything without them!!! All because they treated me as kid, as their baby. Never let me be a young adult. And now I feel like it's my biggest challenge. Parents supposed to make children's life better by leaving the hardest decisions for...

I had cut my hair short again. At first I didn't want to but then I thought I should make a new start. Then it got me thinking, in just one month I will make a start as a university student. And it stressed me out... Like these days movies don't suffice. I just don't feel like I deserve some entertainment you know and even if I did what could I possibly do in just a month? My grandma interferes every occasion in my life right now,just everything. I don't get to do anything fun, whenever I am about to do something she's gonna have a say in that. It sucks I know. I am my own person and I like to do things my way but she has to give a say how her son and daughters are legends and all because of how she raised them...OK I'm whining again..this is no good but can you blame me? After 6 stressful months I just wanted to have some control over my life and some peace. With her being here, I find no peace ,no fun only bossiness and bitchiness and she's a huge fault ...

Last night of freedom...:( Before I proceed let me tell you this wonderful news that-  I've got selected for BRAC! I know most people are like- it takes NOTHING to get an admission there. They take you for the MONEY. But hear me say- stupid people don't get in. I had to go through a competitive (less but not nothing) written test and a viva for it. If it were all about money they would've taken me without an exam. SO. Guilty as charged. We are going to live in the streets. Oh no. Just kidding. But my father will have to go through this huge pressure, six figure, really a huge amount to pay as we're hardly above the middle class. But anyway I am gonna try to get a scholarship and improve myself as much as I can to save him off some misery. I am so damn excited to be in the university. I mean, it will be crazy. There's gonna be a lot of people involved...and from both sexes!  I mean it was a terror studying in all girls' college, but now I guess it's goin...

I don't know, I am just not ready to accept that everything I once planned had gone to astray. Dhaka University...and all that I thought was possible; has now gone over my head...nothing I can do now to make things alright. Things slipped my hands, I was almost at the edge of fulfilling my dreams and now I am here, not at all proud of myself. It's okay I guess to finally finding it hard to accept I am getting nowhere and my parents have to spend so much money on my education whether or not I deserve it. Because I had this all fancied, I had fancied I would get into public I had fancied I would for once in my life make them proud of their daughter. Then again, it all comes down to let things go with grace and look forward to the future. Though it's the ultimate solution, it's the hardest one to do. I have to accept where I am standing right now. Because that's where I really am. All the could haves and should haves are just illusions. They are not gonna do me an...

I spent a very nice day today...And I realized the reason that it was nice is me. I took everything in a positive way today and I felt energies build up in me all positive. I was smiling and sending away those positive vibes and everything just fell into place. I felt I belong, I am a better person and I have many capabilities. So yeah, here's to a GOOD DAY!

Love the Jamaican beats!

Success is paper goal to me right now. I know most of the regrets in life come from not accomplishing much but the more I'm growing the more I'm getting tired of this cliche. I know my parents are going to spend tons of money over my education and I swear if I were in America I would have taken the job of a waiter or be a librarian or just be a youtuber for living. I honestly don't have any higher goals in life, I just want to be loved and cared like a baby. This sounds so immature but seriously these days I've been craving for love and positive vibes. I can finance myself when the time comes. I always choose the easy way possible in life, which will lead to a very few accomplishments but I don't care. I can silently work hard and get a dream fulfilled but ultimately it won't matter to me much, Dreams are constant . Literacy just feeds the soul not the stomach. But it has so many valuable aspects that none can deny. See for Tagore. Did he care for any degre...

I feel like I am so emotionally invested in relationships. Stop. You're thinking- oh.boyfriends. I hate when people do that, they jump into conclusions just like that. Anyway, when I say relationships I mean relationship with my family and friends. I am such an emotional person. I always try to make everyone happy and equally satisfied and then I forget how stupid that is. I am clinging to what will be taken away from me someday and forever. Nobody is here for anyone. Love comes with pain. And I am always hungry for affection, love, friendly attitude which are not eternal but scarce. Sometimes I wish I could be a bitch and ditch everyone else and just be free. I don't have the tiniest bitchiness in me. I am so emotionally attached that I almost love the people who doesn't even care I exist. I feel hate heating up when someone misjudges me, but I fail to fight back. which is happening every point in my life right now. I accidentally hurt people who truly love me. And ...

Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on. — Steve Maraboli

Take a moment and say Alhamdulillah It is one of those moments when you suddenly grow faith in the silver linings. People say Alhamdulillah most often and when they’re happy and healthy and trying to sound all Islamic. But I frankly now, repeating the word in my mind, to genuinely thank the almighty, whom I call Allah. But every time I’m feeling like I am not thanking Him enough for this pretty wonderful life I’ve been given. When I say life, I don’t mean the money, the house, the food, the technologies or the manmade stuff. I don’t know, how short my life is, but what I do know is that it has been precious. He has blessed me with a lovely family. Caring parents. Big sis and a twin brother who are now all alive and healthy Alhamdulillah. What can I ask for. I have all the real things in life that matters. A family to come home to. Can’t put in words how blessed I am. Everyone has different definitions toward life. In media, they have this instagram and youtube version...

I really wanna know what life has in store for me. I can do anything if I just go against my nerve. I can achieve anything just doing that. But here's the twist. All the bad things go with my nerve and all the good things are hard to get. You can easily get addicted to a bad habit but you have to strive for things that are good for you.  How that theory not work for anyone. Self control is the key. And I don't have that. I fight it. Then I crumble. To heal a wound they say, give it time. Trust me, the more time you take to accept things, the more are you wounding yourself. You're not healing. You're fighting the truth. So don't give it time. Accept it. Swing back. Do the things that will hurt you less. Use preventive measures. Elasticity. The ability of an object or material to resume its normal shape after being stretched or compressed. That's your heart. That's you. Just when you think you can't take it anymore, you actually can take it to the n...