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so you can see what I can't say.

It's pouring outside. Seriously weathers like this... (speechless) Music, Rain, Daydreams don't go well with my textbooks. Annoyingly distracted from studies right now.

See how nature has an amazing impact on our mind? My room is filled with fresh air, the sweet-sweet smell of earth and the calming sound of rain. So today, I started reading Ellen  DeGeneres's Seriously...I'm kidding. I gotta say, she's one of a kind. Too much talent and humor in one soul. I'm helpless because I have English exam the day after tomorrow, So I couldn't continue but once I started, I couldn't really take my eyes off the book, it's enticing and I'm already half way through it.

You know, this past year, I've learned so much about myself. I realized that I enjoy literacy way more than I enjoy stuff like bookkeeping or mesmerizing Finance math equations. I learned that maybe I am not just into the things I thought I was into. I am a business student. BBA, MBA, Bank jobs do attract me. But there's this other things too, that I might not be so passionate about, but I love and appreciate. Like reading short stories of Tagore, getting a good laugh via Ellen's book, Music and Art. I don't know maybe it's time to explore a bit. Fact is. here people chase after what they think would bring money and solvency, they go after jobs that they might not even like. And universities, they pick you subjects unless it's a private one. Another fact, private universities cost a fortune. So you wouldn't really dare asking your parents for it. I don't know, I'll study anything as long as it doesn't bore me.

You get this one, just one life. And I feel like, I'm not spending it right. I feel like only if I were to born again, I would make my every decision count. I would study perfectly on high school, I would be an extrovert, not like this shy, I would do everything right. I would speak up to my mother about how much I love music and how much I want to learn to play musical instruments and singing even though I've a terrible-terrible voice. If only I had second chances to live, I would finally confess to my father that I suck at all of my subjects, I suck at Accounting. I would tell him about my real dreams. Travelling the world. Or try writing for the first time. I would do anything, just to make things right. But I can't. I am financially depended on my parents, I'm 19, I am a screwed up HSC candidate and there's no do overs. I dwell on my dreams, I simply don't think I do even half of the work it requires to materialize those dreams. So they stay right where they are. In my mind and in an unrealistic, mythical world.
 



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