Everly

I have to fall in love with endeavor. I have to love it enough to stick to it. I have always admired hard-workers, of how deliberately they put so much work into their visions . I truly admired it and I wanted to be one of them. But my laziness, my act of wasting time callously never actually made me such person I had always dreamed of. I don't try twice. I am always impatient. I want results in blink of an eye while others are fighting for it, sweating over it, getting things done to get to it. Can't you see how foolish that is of me? To want something without the work that takes it to achieve?  The genetic lottery that put me in a middle class family, in this land, far less privileged than those of Europeans. At times, I feel envious of my cousins who live in USA, just because their parents established themselves there, granted them that kind of privileged life that my parents couldn't. I know, it's no good envying them, when I've been blessed with not so much m...

Always left things unfold . Hidden a part, unsaid and to a half end ...she always seems to have left things like that. She has a story to unfold, a mystery that's hidden, she has words that never floated through her sculptured lips. She has unfinished works, a lot of them, drafted but never has she put them into a complete piece. She has left things to a mere end. To an indifferent eternity. She waits for one. Who'd surprise her. Electrify her soul with passion, desire; artistry.  Write her a sweet note. Discover those unidentified. While everybody falls in love with her smile, she waits for one who will fall in love with her scars. Her rawness. Her impurity . Her affliction .  She has hidden a part. A part that is too fragile, a part she has buried firmly with a coating of profess. There's no inside outs. As if like locking that inner kind-isolated, from the outside world and people even from her own self. Because of its delicacy, integrity and its diversi...

This book made me cry today. He thought of her heavy eyebrows and her wide rounded forehead,her gap-toothed smile.He heard in his head the tinkle of her laughter rolling around the house like it used to...Pari hovered, unbidden, at the edge of Abdullah's vision everywhere he went. She was like the dust that clung to his shirt. She was in silences that welled up between their words,sometimes cold and hollow,sometimes pregnant with things that went unsaid,like a cloud filled with rain that never fell. Damn Hosseini! You always manage to make me cry.

I've been aware.  Yes. I know! Okay. It was 7.5 on richer scale. Do I feel sorry for Nepal? Yeah. I do. But I don't see the need to update it as my status- Nepal, I'm sorry. hashtag Pray For Nepal. First off, I don't believe in words, Hash tags. If you feel enough sorry for Nepal and all it's people then stop your fingertips from updating it as your status on facebook and twitter. Go watch CNN or BBC and learn how to help them or donate or just do your work. The ultimate thing that I learned about life is that- it goes on. As long as we're alive nothing will stop us from living and doing our jobs. Not even the people from Nepal that died via earth-quake today. I don't take this things too seriously, people are dying everyday. I don't take this as a joke either. As to me, prayer should be sacred. It should be within you and your God. It shouldn't be a status. Or a show off to news feed, telling people to pray. If you feel for those people in N...

22.09.2014, 1.30 pm I hate writing things up as in hand. I'm more into typing. I have a password protected MS Word document where I confess things up straight. Now, I got into writing and it's damn painful because I suck at spellings and my handwriting is really bad. Not that I care. I had no choice because my grandma is here staying with us. She blocked the room where my pc is. And I don't think it's a good idea to go there and type up my confessions because I have a slight feeling that she peeks into the screen. I'd be in trouble if she reads all that. So I don't wanna take any chance. The reason I'm telling you all this crap is that I can't live like this, without confessing things, telling things that happen in my ordinary life. I can't live without writing/typing something that eats up my brain at night.I would be fine if it was like before, when Api was Api. When Api was the only person I used to have late night talks with. But Api is not t...

Not Dated, but the entry is from 2014 When I look into your eyes I fall right back in love <3 So this is about the person I am crushing on for a year now...I know it's not just a crush. I like him. He's my teacher. He's married, happily I guess >.< And he has a cute son, really cute. Like father, like son. So I've been looking at him shamelessly at college. When he's been taking classes.What?! I can't help it, he looks so relishly charming. I hardly could take a stare off. I like when he wears his royal blue t-shirt. It suites him really well. Like that shirt is made for him. And the deep violet one that he often wears. It makes me wanna hug him. I often hug him though. In my dreams, stupid. But a visual hug is not enough for me.I know it's inappropriate to think like that about my teacher, but he's so crush-able! Not just in looks, his way of talking, his humor, eyes, smile, of him being a good father to his son makes me want him even...

just give me a note written sweet words about me and I'd be happy.

16.04.2015 I literally laughed my ass off reading this diary. That page I wrote after api's akht, about six months back nearly cracked me up. Seriously, I wrote those things? I can't remember myself writing this diary. I don't even remember I had kept a diary.It took me just six months to realize how I've changed.I don't feel any urge or have inappropriate thoughts about him like I used to...just six months back.lol I had never actually fallen for him that way. He's just my teacher and I adore him-that's it. Now when I read about those feelings it cracks me up. It entertains me, really. :P Right now I'm just pretending to my dad that I'm studying for my exam. I simply can't study in the study gaps. But that's the whole point of study gaps, right? You study and complete the whole syllabus before the exam day and when the night comes you're in relief that you're not under-prepared. I, on the other hand, not seem to understand the po...

Today. Last few days were well spent. Cause my sister came to stay with us for two days. Just two days it were and it made me so happy. We had so much fun. She waxed my left feet(because this was my first time in waxing so she helped) But I'm too lazy to do the other one. So literally, my left feet is waxed cleaned and my right one is hairy. I really don't care. Who gonna see it anyway. Yesterday, Mysha came. She stayed for a while because I told her my next exam is 8 days away. And we watched youtube videos and had a great time. I played her Damons by Imagine Dragons and told her it was Fariha's favorite song. She was like - "Ai gan ta onek soft, Amar Thash Thash gaan vallage." -I love the way she talks. She had me at her humor. If I were a lesbian I would pick her as my wife, she's so cute and funny. Who am I kidding. Lesbians pick lesbians. If I were a lesbian I would want her to be one as well so I could marry her. Now I sound like LESBIAN. I hope my f...

Last night I hated myself. My acne scars, round face, bushy eyebrows, fat in my stomach. I hated everything about me. Today, I didn't oversleep. I slept exactly 6 hours and half and to my surprise woke up at 10 am. This is not a bad start. Then I made my bed, brushed my teeth and did a 10 min cardiac work out watching youtube...As it turned out I hate exercise. My muscles hurt and I got sweaty. So I am not continuing it from tomorrow.  I'll try yoga or something. I love dancing tho. I took a bath, had my breakfast for the first time in a week. Then tea. Then watched bangla cinema with my brother on tv for a while which was entertaining by the way. Then I read a few passage of And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini to give it a head start. I am loving it already. Something about this writer. I would've finished two chapters but I have finance exam on 23rd so I had to go study. So far so good.  Just realized waking up in the morning is the only way to avoid my depre...

I'm sick. That's all I could think the moment I woke up. It was 2 o'clock, lunch time and I skipped breakfast for sleep. This is not new to me. I had done it my whole life. Waking up in the morning seemed just temporary and it had always based on the fact whether I had college or a family trip. So in holidays I never actually made it. I always woke up late, bloated with last night's dinner or gassy because skipping breakfast. And I hate myself for sleeping that late. For ditching the morning fresh air. For wasting so much time on sleep when I have plenty of study left to be done. Trust me I try. I force myself to go to bed as early as possible but somehow I end up reading novels or over-thinking or having anxiety attacks or be just lying there tired and sleepless. When the alarm buzzes. I snooze it by an hour and never wake up then. This is my normal sleep cycle.No matter how hard as I try to wake up in the morning, it only lasts for a week. And last night I was so su...

currently in love with this youtube channel. #MostlyStrings.

guess what I found via youtube today? Nah that's a hard one to guess. I'm gonna tell ya anyway. Enrique Iglesias actually kisses his fan(s) on stage. Over his hero song. How pervert is he! I wanna go to his concert. Please! God bless me with a ticket. I hate HSC. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on study like that? Took guilty pleasure watching The Princess Diaries 2 today. And as it gets better, this week I kind of got myself addicted  to  The Bachelor UK series in just two episodes I can't find the rest of the season's. And it's killing me. It doesn't download. Seriously. Why. Why with me. Why now.. in between the second most important exams of my life? 

I'm sorry abbu, I can't give you the benefit of the doubt. I just can't. Life is so uncertain I can't make a promise to you I can't keep. I don't know if I will pull this off. This HSC and admission tests after. This whole thing scares me. I'm sorry. I can't. I hate study you know that. I love to sleep. I love listening to music and I love not to study at all. This is me. Please abbu. Don't hate me, Don't get mad at me. I will try not to fail you. I promise I will try. 

No you don’t understand. You don’t understand at all. It’s not just a feeling. It’s an urgency. Before everything here that’s gone, I have to write something down. Something. It doesn’t have to be special. It doesn’t have to be for anyone. It doesn’t have to make you feel something.  It’s not an art. It’s just…something I taught myself as a child. Whenever something good happens. Whenever something shocks me. Whenever my mind gets distracted and down for some reason. I do it. I sit to write everything down. I be completely honest with myself. Without having to lose, without having anything to lose. I just do it. I am not a problem solver. I don’t write on world's hunger. I don’t write about how to deal with you ex and stuff like that. I don’t create. This is not something I do for the world or for people or you. Yes you. You’re reading this…You should not have, I’m not Anne Frank. This should not be something you should read. I can find you a bunch of good English novels that I l...

You're wearing that? Your hair, eww.   That's some crazy eyebrows! Look how effortlessly beautiful she is and look at you. search history: breast enlargement, how to remove a black toe, how to reduce hair fall, remedies for acne scars,how to whiten teeth naturally, lose your weight in 7 days. 

There is no special treatment for feelings that have been hurt once. Here's a twist. It hurts more when the person is someone you love and care. If you didn't care, this wouldn't hurt that much and you wouldn't remember the pain. I believe, love can cover multiple of sins. You love somebody, doesn't mean you have to like everything about'em. In fact, there's gonna be things you would hate, but that doesn't mean you love'em less. And that's okay. We have incredibly different minds, cause each of us are individual souls. There's gonna be a lot of differences, a lot at stake, a lot to compromise, a lot to be sacrificed for. And even after that you can't leave, you stay for the person you love you just stay, happily because suddenly it's become so difficult to imagine your life without'em.That's how powerful love can be. It can cease your conscience without changing you. When I hate about something in a person, I keep it to my...

Last night. For a split moment, she came to my thoughts, Maisha Annava (a girl in our class) She's the person who sits right beside me this board exam. So last night. I was thinking, just a year back, how I used to hate this girl and wrote rude comments about her here in this blog. I was thinking, how even I hated her, she's such fun to be around with when I got to know her. Literally, she's the hilarious creature alive. How could I write such things like "I hate her to the infinity" ? Last night I kept thinking about these things and kind of made up my mind to edit/delete that post from   August 30, 2014 first thing when I'd sit before my computer. And last night, last night it was, when I focused on the good things about her and realized there's nothing about her that I can hate. She's such person who would make a bad day feel good. And everybody loves her, that includes me obviously. Today morning It started with a jinx. I woke up late. Our ...

It's pouring outside. Seriously weathers like this... (speechless)  Music, Rain, Daydreams don't go well with my textbooks. Annoyingly distracted from studies right now. See how nature has an amazing impact on our mind? My room is filled with fresh air, the sweet-sweet smell of earth and the calming sound of rain . So today, I started reading Ellen  DeGeneres's Seriously...I'm kidding. I gotta say, she's one of a kind . Too much talent and humor in one soul. I'm helpless because I have English exam the day after tomorrow, So I couldn't continue but once I started, I couldn't really take my eyes off the book, it's enticing and I'm already half way through it. You know, this past year, I've learned so much about myself. I realized that I enjoy literacy way more than I enjoy stuff like bookkeeping or mesmerizing Finance math equations. I learned that maybe I am not just into the things I thought I was into. I am a business student. BBA, MB...

I have an obsessive nature. When I am into something, I don't stop until I get its deep. Until I'm lost again...Until I discover something new, I don't, I can't stop. If only I could use it over good things! Recently, I've started this - I can't believe I'm writing it here. But what the hell.  So here it goes, I'm trying to understand men and some other ahem stuffs that are taboo in our country to talk about. SO I've watched this movie today (I know I'm an HSC candidate actually a screwed up one so I'm expected to do such things before exam) Anyway so watching this movie-which-shall-not-be-named, I learnt- Men aren't any mystery. There's nothing to understand. 

I'm turning 19 today. Not just me, my brother too. Yes I have a twin. There's still no cure for common birthday. Today's weather is super duper fit for getting cozy in bed for a full night sleep. But what the hell. I can't sleep, besides I have to study for UGH exam. WHY GOD WHY? WHY ON MY BIRTHDAY? But I decided today, I mean from tonight to the end of the day, I'm gonna do what makes my soul happy. If I want to sleep I'm gonna sleep. If I wanna dance like a fool, oh hell I sure will. Life is too short not to celebrate. It never mattered, never actually, when someone forgot to wish me. But I don't know why it so mattered today, at this moment when I turned nineteen and my sis isn't here and didn't call me at 12. I feel like today is such different and of so many's to come. But of first of eighteen years that my sis isn't here with me. And it's okay. It's a part of growing up. It's a part of how the world really is. People c...