spring is almost here

 After a week of doing night shift schedule, I am here basking in sunlight. I realized how much impact sun has on our moods and body. My new routine is certainly affecting my mental state. It is not that I am depressed or anything. Honestly, I am too busy in week days to be depressed. I just feel dead inside. And it is all because I am seeing night time more than day time.

My office started. Getting out of home feels so sane. I almost feel like a human now. I talk with my colleagues, share frustrations, eat the office food, and complete my designated tasks. This gives me satisfaction.

My tendency to connect with people on dating apps and stalking my ex flings has reduced down to almost zero. This is a sign that I am tired of the bullshit.

I want love, I do. The kind of love I am receiving is, well, very much replaceable. I do not want to be someone disposable. Good energy, communication, empathy is my love list.

I am not thinking too much of my career right now. As I have been on this for 3 months approx. I need more time to settle where I am now. Learn a lot of things. Be of some value.

To be rich, I need to incorporate some habits of investing. My assets are zero now as I make so little money and most of them goes to spending.

My parents have never hesitated to pay for my basic necessities but I still feel guilty to ask. For the past year, right when I started making a little amount for myself, I payed for my expenses. Though I could not manage to give back to my parents anything. I tried to reduce the expense of them having a daughter.

Shampoos, lipsticks, cosmetics, shoes, dresses. 

I feel good to be affording myself. And if I get this job at the end of this training, maybe I would be able to give back something to my family. I look forward to that.

You know, I had given myself a hard time with money in the past. I am glad that even now, when I am kind of affording myself, I still do not waste it on unnecessary things in life. Maybe this habit will help to save up enough for travel. My child hood dreams need to be saved. That little kid wanted to travel. Maybe I will give her that.

At this point of my life, I have a purpose. 

When you get a purpose, everything in your life will point you to that direction. And you will want to live despite the hurdles. 

You will want to wake up. You will want to look forward even the darkest of times.

I miss my friends though. In the midst of working, I kind of lost connections. I did not fancy this. One of my intentions of getting a job was so that I could get out of home and spend time with my friends. It is just being difficult to manage that. My work makes me mentally exhausted and this pandemic doesn't help at all.

Will see. I will try balancing it.

Anyway, just wanted to update you on how things been going.

It is going good. 

I haven't forgot you. My teenage self had spent too much time on you for venting. You'd be happy to know, whatever important and unimportant things happen in life I come to you to write. I like you as my habit. 

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