Everly

Rich slobs are so interesting like you have no fucking idea. I started watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians because I am quite bored of this vacation and never imagined this show will get me hooked like this. It is the instagram effect, I got so many feeds of their snippets and kind of unknowingly decided to give this show a go. So glad I did. They're pretty funny. Winter is getting on my nerves. My skin looks awful. My hair is in a stupid  shape. I am torn between getting a bob and growing out. I just don't know what to do. When I look at my old short hair pictures, I feel like keeping it long because my curls wouldn't show up then. Now my curls are more defined but the problem is, my hair is breaking at the ends. Almost looks like a mop. I do want healthy locks. But UGH. It's a dilemma! My parents are sick of my routine. They have to wake me up to eat, literally smack me twice a day for lunch and breakfast. I know they have best interest at heart, but is ...

I secretly check on him sometimes. He is in my stalking list. I clear my search history as if somebody's gonna find out. And figure out how desperate I am. I don't want that to happen, ever. It is already painful knowing, I still have feelings for him. Well, not "feelings" per se. It is rather just a fascination. Have you ever been fascinated by someone? Like really really fascinated of what their preferences are, how they live their lives? Yeah. I am sort of in that situation here. I should be doing my searches on people who would actually like to be with me. Not the people I have crush on...There was this guy, I chatted with months ago, he wanted to start something but I barely replied his texts. We are just friends on facebook now and instagram of course. Today, he posted a photo. He was on a date with a girl. I wish I felt a little bit jealous. But I didn't. I felt happy that he finally found someone who would go out with him. Because I was worried all this...

My first morning being awake. Well I didn't sleep last night so I have been awake for a long while today. Taking refuge in bed. I have 8 hours of Breaking Bad left. Then I will be done with the series. Last time I remember getting so attached with a show like this was Dexter. I couldn't separate my emotions from the characters in the story. Well, this time I am more wooed than emotional. Umm, then again Jesse Pinkman. He is the only character giving me all the feels throughout the insanity that is and has been going on in the show. This series is mentally stimulating. I know very little about chemistry, but I truly enjoyed myself while watching this. Guess this was a worthwhile decision to invest my time on this. 2018 wasn't full of foul decisions.  I am holding on. And trying to forgive myself for everything that's happened past few months. I am not harming myself anymore. The scars in my wrists are almost faded. I haven't touched a blade since I don't r...

Let me sugarcoat things for you. My eyes cry enough. My heart gets tired but my eyes don't. I resent my parents now and then. I try to shout as loud as possible, as a last hope of them to understand what I've been feeling inside. But only in void. Because they don't know how badly I don't wanna live. How pointless everything is to me now. I am on my semester break now. My father wakes me up every morning for breakfast. He has bitten me on days, I didn't want to wake up. I swallow whatever's on my plate and go back to sleep. My bed. Smells like depression. My bed is like a hug in the daylight, when I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to remember who I am, what am I doing with my life. I sleep till my father wakes me up again. For lunch. I eat fast as I can and immediately go back to sleep. This is my life now. I am barely awake. Times I am awake, I watch something. And cry myself to sleep. There's nothing going on beyond that. Just nothing. ...

I wish I was dead sometimes. Like to appreciate life again. It is the absence of light that makes light significant. But I wish science worked that way, I wish it was possible to disappear and reappear