Skip to main content
It feels unbelievably liberating that you can be a complete new person to a person you haven't met yet. I know there's still things that make you, you. But still all the personality traits that you were given i.e. SHY, can't make eye contact, INTROVERT. can actually be just myths.If you are able to believe you are charming as hell in the occasions you can flourish yourself...

I know this sounds almost crazy. And weird. And difficult to understand. But I kind of like this guy. We just chat. That's all we do. But I feel butterflies again. Almost feels like a dream. Words always meant something to me. And this guy has a way around words. We haven't heard each other's voice yet but I kind of already like the idea of him...He made me dream again...He made me feel things I missed feeling. And though there's no future in this right now. I just don't want to think about future right now. I don't want to think about the husband my mom is gonna pick in about one and half years. I don't wanna think about breaking his heart or him breaking my heart. All I think about right now, is, he is pretty sweet and cute and I really like him. And it is worth a try. Being lonely has been unbearable. Super unbearable. I don't wanna think about marriage. I don't wanna think about settling down. I am just 22. Let me live a little.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more

healing in progress

 Dear B,  What I learned from the past week is that I tend to take on grief from others in my family like my own. Even though there is nothing I can do about it to ease other's pain. Hence, I suffer internally.  There is a song that I deeply connect with:  Tu Jhoom | Naseebo Lal x Abida Parveen. It kind of goes like this: “What is meant to be yours will find you through any excuse. My heart, understand that there is nothing in your control. You just swirl (let it go)” My brother recently got rejected from a marriage proposal from a girl he really liked. It was arranged but this was his first experience talking with a girl. Seeing him being torn left me in tears as I know how much he was hurting. He is such a gentle soul. I took his pain as if my own and could not sleep at night. Nothing I say could ease his suffering but I still tried to cheer him up. I prayed genuinely for him to be showered with blessings. I want him to experience life, be with someone who would ca...
Post a Comment
Read more