spring is almost here

So this season's wedding is done. Have you have any idea how much exhausting a bengali wedding can be especially when you're from the groom side? Me and my cousins had put up dances on several bollywood songs in holud and it was fun. I really enjoyed it.

In the midst of it all, I had a very awkward encounter with an uncle who was from the bride side and who was surprisingly keen to talk with me about my education and career. He said he lived in Italy for 12 years, a mechanical engineer. He said, if you want to pursue higher studies abroad, go to Norway or Switzerland and even suggested a few universities for me to check out and said my father got his number so if I needed any help; just call up. I thought it was very generous of him until I got home and asked my father who this uncle was. My father said, he has a son and he is looking for a bride (...) That moment I felt so cheap.

First off, it was my father who persuaded me to meet this uncle out of nowhere, and all I cared was this uncle might be genuinely giving me those suggestions and I was super pumped, I thought my father was encouraging me to talk with this uncle because he thinks of my career development of some sort. When I found out, all my father cared was to fix my marriage with that uncle's British son, I locked my room and had a breakdown. It is going to get worse as I turn older. I am 21 and my parents want to marry me off. 

I don't have an issue if the groom is decent and the family is decent. I have an issue with the concept of viewing me as a product. I felt as though it is my job to impress those uncles and aunties who's got a potential son, and it drives me into self analysis. None of my parents know how unhealthy the effect it has on me. They don't care to even wait until I graduate or get a job. I am not self dependent and the thought that my parents want to marry me off like this, scares me to death. I need at least a year and a half to get on my feet. And this is 2018, not 1980's that a girl has to be married in her 20's.

When I am stressed out about my exams or presentations or the life in general, I do make a sarcasm out marrying early. But in reality, I just want freedom, a single life, living with friends, travelling, dating, I don't wanna be married so soon. Not at least before I get into jobs.  You don't know how frustrating that is, my parents got to stop this insanity. UGH.