Today, morning started with tears. I don't know why I felt so emotional. Maybe because my parents are on a fight and my mother came in my room, telling me about it when I woke up. She's really hurt. Looked like things got pretty ugly last night. My father said things, then my mom said some things back. Then she called my grandma and told her how my father reacted badly and honestly I don't think she should have done that. My dad was angry and he said things maybe he would regret later on and she should have instead kept it between them.
I don't know when my mom was telling me how he insulted her, I couldn't picture my father at fault. I couldn't stop being bias. When she said- she shouldn't have married someone 10 years older than her, she was pretty and young she should rather marry someone. I couldn't stop wincing at her when she said that. My parents, it doesn't matter if they have age differences, they are too compatible as a married couple. They are so perfect for each other in my eyes. And "Prettiness" isn't a talent, mom. You were pretty I know but it doesn't mean you deserved someone better. I am sorry but I think even in million years, you wouldn't find anyone better than my dad. Just like my dad wouldn't find someone like you.
And I closed the door, looked in the mirror and cried explaining it to me. I guess I needed a pep talk. I cried because I was completely bias, not being feminist at all. Not being able to see my mother's pain. I know she's really hurt. Words hurt the most. And I love them both I can't pick sides. I just can tell who's most likely to be at fault here. I can say, that they are both ignoring the fact that they both care for each other, no matter what they said, what he said, he didn't mean it literally or said it because of circumstances. And I know the circumstances. So I can't completely blame my dad for those rude comments. I am sorry ma.
And when I went to breakfast table finding them all awkward, not saying a thing to each other, my dad looking pale and I felt an agonizing pain. I've never seen them like this. Not like this. I don't fear separation because one thing I learned since I was a kid-their fights don't last long. Also that my mother has no place to go. She is completely and utterly depended on my dad.
I was dying on that table. Feeling sorry for both. I hated it. I guess I got so used to them being together for a long time, chitchatting over morning tea, that this was so new to me and it was upsetting. The ambience was harsh between them. All I could do was sit there and trying to make a conversation. But I had to talk separately since they were silent to each other. Even tonight. I am not a fan of this. They have to sort out their problems or I have to do something about it.
Then I went to uni to pay for the next semester and all formalities. It helped seeing my friends. I was too upset to go home so I hung out with them quite a while, Gossiped over fries. Oh and not the highlight of my day but is something. I saw Che, waiting for the lift, he saw me too. Damn it was awkward. I don't know why but I just can't forget the fact that he was crushed on me. Trust me, knowing this information does not help at all. He makes me wanna cringe. I don't know, he's a nice guy I am just not into him at all but something about him makes it sooooo damn awkward. I was praying for the lift to be packed so I could go in the second batch, but somehow we got in the same lift, facing each other, ugh so awkward. Why. Why does it keep happening to me? I just don't want us to exist ever. I just hate it. I don't wanna do small talks or pretend like we're friends. I don't know this guy at all and I want him to be. Just not paying attention. ever.
I don't know when my mom was telling me how he insulted her, I couldn't picture my father at fault. I couldn't stop being bias. When she said- she shouldn't have married someone 10 years older than her, she was pretty and young she should rather marry someone. I couldn't stop wincing at her when she said that. My parents, it doesn't matter if they have age differences, they are too compatible as a married couple. They are so perfect for each other in my eyes. And "Prettiness" isn't a talent, mom. You were pretty I know but it doesn't mean you deserved someone better. I am sorry but I think even in million years, you wouldn't find anyone better than my dad. Just like my dad wouldn't find someone like you.
And I closed the door, looked in the mirror and cried explaining it to me. I guess I needed a pep talk. I cried because I was completely bias, not being feminist at all. Not being able to see my mother's pain. I know she's really hurt. Words hurt the most. And I love them both I can't pick sides. I just can tell who's most likely to be at fault here. I can say, that they are both ignoring the fact that they both care for each other, no matter what they said, what he said, he didn't mean it literally or said it because of circumstances. And I know the circumstances. So I can't completely blame my dad for those rude comments. I am sorry ma.
And when I went to breakfast table finding them all awkward, not saying a thing to each other, my dad looking pale and I felt an agonizing pain. I've never seen them like this. Not like this. I don't fear separation because one thing I learned since I was a kid-their fights don't last long. Also that my mother has no place to go. She is completely and utterly depended on my dad.
I was dying on that table. Feeling sorry for both. I hated it. I guess I got so used to them being together for a long time, chitchatting over morning tea, that this was so new to me and it was upsetting. The ambience was harsh between them. All I could do was sit there and trying to make a conversation. But I had to talk separately since they were silent to each other. Even tonight. I am not a fan of this. They have to sort out their problems or I have to do something about it.
Then I went to uni to pay for the next semester and all formalities. It helped seeing my friends. I was too upset to go home so I hung out with them quite a while, Gossiped over fries. Oh and not the highlight of my day but is something. I saw Che, waiting for the lift, he saw me too. Damn it was awkward. I don't know why but I just can't forget the fact that he was crushed on me. Trust me, knowing this information does not help at all. He makes me wanna cringe. I don't know, he's a nice guy I am just not into him at all but something about him makes it sooooo damn awkward. I was praying for the lift to be packed so I could go in the second batch, but somehow we got in the same lift, facing each other, ugh so awkward. Why. Why does it keep happening to me? I just don't want us to exist ever. I just hate it. I don't wanna do small talks or pretend like we're friends. I don't know this guy at all and I want him to be. Just not paying attention. ever.
Comments
Post a Comment