opposite sides of a coin

Finally. The most awaited rainfall. Although it’s started as a storm. Roaring storm. I like a stormy night.

So I spent all day, you can say, since I woke up this afternoon, finishing Sophia Kinsella’s I’ve Got Your Number. T recommended it to me. No words can justify this novel. It was witty and I love some rom-com. You can guess why I skipped shower and lunch. I am all cleaned up now, shampooed my hair, have a wedding reception to attend. And apparently the electricity is gone. 

I normally hate wedding parties. But I go there just for the food. Yep. And of course to check out the bride and groom. To be honest, I’ve attended very few where the wedding couple is beautiful looking, no offense, either the bride is too pretty or the groom is too handsome or I don’t like to say this but-or both are unpleasant to look at…I wonder what the condition would be at my wedding. It’s too soon to talk about I guess. I am pretty much sure though, I would still be single at my 30s. Okay jinx. Don’t say that. I’ll find someone. Or someone will find me. Or rather I say, my parents will find him for me. Yes that’s more accurate.

I don’t know why I feel a tint of guilt whenever I talk about marriage or my future husband. I feel like I give out no substance when I say these things. I should be talking about my future goals, Academic goals. And here I am…thinking what it would be like at my wedding. Wow. 

It’s just that, I am a 20 year old with not so many connections. If I were a social butterfly, I would be perfect for the field I’ll be working in and that is business. But this is the contradictory part- I am the opposite of it. I am not good with phone calls, communication that requires fast/witty/useful response. I am more like a curl up in bed in my room with less human contact person. And that doesn’t help with strict career goals. I see myself, as an accountant maybe in future. Or just some dishwasher, washing crappy dish stains in the corner of some restaurant. Never have I imagined myself as an Entrepreneur or working in a high end company with huge figure salary. With dreams that low and cheap, how can I be career driven, think more substantially?

Yes maybe I lack substance. Yes I do kind of daydream about making babies, raising tiny humans with hot shot husband by my side, but you know what. That’s not all I think about. There’s a whole other part of me who is panicked about the future. I am tired of this dependency, first my parents and then would be my in-laws. No. I have to be self-dependent first. Marriage is a back-up plan. Or no plan at all. My priority starts from making my parents proud. And to make that happen, I have to be academically smart and later be successful in life. Then comes marrying some dude and start a family. So yeah. I should not feel guilty to talk about marriage. They all come together. In future.

Now I have to get ready. My mom already freaked out seeing me in pajamas with wet hair. We’ll be leaving in half an hour. So ciao.