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I performed fazar salat today...And haven't slept all night. Kind of feeling peaceful after namaz/// I took a huge gap, I think last time I sat on my zainamaz it was ramadan month. So I am starting again from today, hope I'd be punctual enough to stick to five waqts a day. Enough moslim talk.

Umm. So I have been sleeping like a pig. I woke up at 8 pm last night and haven't got any sleep since. These days, I overslept for abnormal hours and  only when my parents shouted, bit me with a hanger, I forced myself to get up from bed and shower and eat and  do usual things...Every morning my brother would come by my room and splash water on me, and I remember badmouthing him.

I called him son of a bitch. This is first time in a long time I said something to him like that...Since he was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was nothing but sweet to him, I felt sensitive to even talk to him. I stopped myself speaking any kind of negativity in front him, only words of encouragement only because I was scared whenever he told me someone is after him, someone is going to kill him, or things like there are cameras inside his body and what not....

I felt good after a long time. I got to be myself around him again. Only because he bothered to wake me up in the morning. Cared to splash water on me, just like the old days. I am so happy he did that, and I got mad and I got to badmouth him....I am so utterly grateful because a long time has passed since we had this pretentious thing going on, him not bothering how my life is, me afraid not to spill anything that had a negative impact on his mental state. Now I feel like. He is back. My brother is back. He is equally annoying as before and I love him.

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