Skip to main content
I am ignoring him bluntly on his face. I don't know if he figured it out yet or actually "cares" that I am not around him much. I know it's rude and childish but I think it's working. I am rather numb about him now. I don't feel like I need his attention anymore, nor do I feel like I should give him some. It may cost whatever friendship we had all the year round but there is no other way to get over him fast. Now there's nothing holding me back, no awkward encounters, no conversation to playback or smile to. I think this is the way. THE WAY to self empowerment.

Today I kind of felt irritated at Turtle Dove. It is none of her problem. It's mine. I find her too loud sometimes. It's annoying how she talks and talks and talks. And no matter how I tell myself I am okay with her and Batman's cuddling in public, I am not. I feel awkward seeing him sniff her hair sometimes or lean on her neck and all the couply things they do yet T says to me she doesn't feel anything for him other than the fact that they are best friends. I wish I wasn't so judgmental of them for being close. My instincts say B still loves her and she is not realizing it, just intentionally being so close with him....You know what. It is their life their choices not mine to worry.

But seriously T is becoming annoying to me. Is that a good thing? I mean sure, I consider her my good friend, one of the closest I have, but sometimes I want my space from her. And she bitches a lot, like a LOT. That day, she told me how B doesn't stop talking. And how annoying that it is for her in the class. I never thought she would ever find anything on Batman. I wonder what she says about me behind my back. Maybe that I am obsessed over singer guy, and how desperate that is. But the truth is I may talk about singer guy a lot but I am getting over him. And I realized I should not speak much about him with her because she makes this face whenever I talk about him and it is not welcoming....You know, friendship is complicated.

I hope I get to like her again because I am stuck with her til graduation and she is a nice person inside that I know. I don't wanna lose her it is just my mind playing tricks on me, making me notice things that I used to overlook before....Or maybe it is the hormones. I am closer to my date so a lot of things are annoying me these days. UGHHHHH.














Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...
Post a Comment
Read more

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 
Post a Comment
Read more

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...
Post a Comment
Read more