Skip to main content
Words. It's all about words. It's all about what you speak.Not what you feel inside. So unfair you know. It gets hard sometimes. Saying what barely makes a sentence. Barely fits the hole in your heart. Sometimes, it gets so hard, to let out the thoughts you bury and simply no one cares.

It's absurd. Someday, you're gonna die. And no one will ever know what was inside your soul. What dreams or sorrow lied under your skin and bone. No one will ever know you. And you will be long gone. And you will not have any power over your stuff anymore. Things that you once used, will be a memory or sit in the back of your garage door. Your feelings, your emotions. They will disappear like you one day. And nothing you can do about it. I don't know, it just seems so....unfair to live this short and die for an eternity.

And to plan a future feels so vague sometimes. There's gonna be regrets anyway. No matter how much you succeeded you're gonna have regrets sometime in your life and you're gonna brood over it sometime. And when you're old, you won't have any dreams. You'll feel weak, ugly and alone. It's already so hard imagining it. Losing loved ones, losing youth.

The fact that I'm 19 doesn't change the fact that I will die. I may die, someday or tomorrow. Cause that's how things work in this universe. You're gifted with a life and that will be taken from you any moment. And the worst part is, no one will remember you if you were ordinary, if you were no legend. If you were shy and if you didn't say much. If you locked up your emotions and didn't let anyone in. No one will ever know you like you did, yourself.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

“If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" "You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a—" "They did not!" "Yes, they did." "Did NOT." "Did too." "What else, you big pig?" "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel out each other, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also become a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which me...

v day

 I am in luteal phase and everything my husband doing is irritating me.  It is all scientific I know but still everything is so annoying and I just wanted pizza. He ordered biryani.  I wanted to go on a date on valentines day. He brought me flowers, which was sweet but he forgot to book the restaurant and we ended up going costco instead. I just feel like I am wasting my best years on him. Is it normal to feel like that. We are almost 2 years into our married life and I already miss our initial chemistry. I feel like we are being like an old married couple. It shouldn't feel like that, right? I mean, it is still new; we aren't that old yet.  I feel so bored honestly, and disappointed.  Again, this could be because of my luteal phase.  I am sad too.  I wish, he made a little more effort to make me feel special. Make me feel deserving. I wish I didn't dress up to do our groceries on Valentines day. 

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...